Broken Souls
by ChokolateKiss
Summary: Chuck is finding it harder and harder to stomach Blair's relationship with Lord Marcus, but will he ever be able to say the three little words Blair needs to hear? Some spoilers for season 2. CB Please Read & Review
1. Chapter 1

Chuck Bass was many things: he was a womanizer, an alcoholic, a manipulator and a liar

Chuck Bass was many things: he was a womanizer, an alcoholic, a manipulator and a liar. One thing he was not was a committed boyfriend, but the look on Blair's face at the White Party made him regret everything he had done in his life up to that point. After leaving Blair at the airport at the start of summer, he had spent every waking second regretting his decision. The truth was that he had allowed his father to get to him like always, and both he and Blair had ended up paying the price. She had finally returned from her summer abroad but to Chuck's surprise, she came with a new boyfriend on her arm. He was British and dashing and charming, but ultimately nothing more than a ploy to get revenge on Chuck for abandoning her. He had stomached seeing the two of them together during lunch at the Hamptons, but the White Party was a different story. Every time he was in their view, Blair would flaunt herself all over Marcus and kiss him, much to Chuck's disgust. It was getting harder and harder to stomach as the hours ticked by and after finally getting her alone for a moment, Chuck made his biggest mistake yet.

_"Chuck! Aren't you done trying to destroy my night?" Blair asked with a defeated look on her face._

_"Look, I never should have abandoned you. I know I made the wrong decision as soon as your plane took off," he began quietly. "I distracted myself all summer…hoping I wouldn't feel it but I still do."_

_"And?" Blair asked, looking into his eyes._

_"I was scared. I was scared that if we spent the whole summer together, just us…then you'd see," he stated._

_"See what?" she asked, slightly confused._

_"Me," he whispered, his voice similar to that of a lost child. "Please don't leave with him."_

_"Why?" she asked, leaning towards him. "Give me a reason and 'I'm Chuck Bass' doesn't count."_

_"Because you don't want to," he said and she shook her head._

_"Not good enough," she said, looking down._

_"Because I don't want you to," he whispered._

_"That's not enough," she said, her voice as torn as his._

_Holding her elbows, he gently pulled her closer towards him. "What else is there?"_

_"The true reason I should stay right where I am and not get in the car," she said, gazing back into his eyes. "Three words. Eight letters. Say it…and I'm yours."_

_He stared at her for a long moment as she searched his eyes._

_"I…," he began, knowing exactly what she wanted to hear. "I…"_

_But he eventually fell silent and Blair pulled away, looking more hurt than before._

_"Thank you," she said, her voice sounding bitter. "That's all I needed to hear."_

_With that, she turned around just as Marcus pulled up next to her. Smiling brightly, she climbed into the passenger seat without any hesitation as Marcus pulled away. Chuck stood in silence, a defeated and hurt look in his eyes as he watched them go._

Standing in the terrace of his penthouse suite, he stared up at the night sky sadly. She was willing to forgive him and be with him if only he had uttered three words to her, but he had been a coward. He had remained silent and watched her slip further and further away from him. As the days went by, he continued to watch from the sidelines as Blair and Marcus continued their relationship, always looking giddy and happy. It made him sick to his stomach whenever Marcus placed his hand at the small of her back, nuzzled her neck or kissed her goodbye. He knew she was only using Marcus to get back at him and make him jealous, but it made it harder and harder for him to bear as the days went by.

He had tried distracting himself with countless beautiful women, but had been unable to follow through on every account because his mind was plagued with thoughts of Blair. He wanted her, _desperately_, and he knew deep down that she wanted him too. But he still couldn't find the courage to say those words to her so their banter grew more bitter every day and they seemed to drift further and further apart.

At the party Blair had thrown and he had crashed, he had tried seducing her and although it was working at first, Blair had eventually come to her senses and had gone in search for Marcus. Chuck had then followed Blair upstairs to her bedroom after the lights had gone out and had surprised her with a kiss. Deep down, he knew she had recognized him and had wanted to be with him, but Marcus had barged in and ruined the moment, much to his dismay. After the British Lord had punched him, he had stormed out of the room and Chuck had watched as Blair ran after him, claiming that it had all been a mistake. He watched as she leaned in and kissed him, allowing him to hold her close within his embrace. Just before he left the party, he had seen Blair pull Marcus upstairs towards her bedroom and it left him feeling helpless and torn.

Although he had tried to take his mind off of everything by hooking up with a random girl from the party, he had once again been unable to carry through with the offer. After kicking the girl out of his limo, he had returned to his suite and buried himself in alcohol, desperately trying not to think of what was happening between Blair and Lord Marcus. But no amount of drink had been able to push such thoughts away and he found himself standing in his terrace, looking more lost than ever before.


	2. Chapter 2

Putting the finishing touches on her hair, Serena walked out of her room and stopped at Chuck's doorway. He was standing with his back facing her, his hands stuffed in his pockets as he stared outside his window.

"Where did _you_ spend the night last night?" she asked, crossing her arms at her chest as she stared at his back. "In another tramp's bed?"

He slowly turned towards her and she noticed how tired his eyes were.

"You look like hell," she exclaimed as he slowly sat down on the edge of his bed.

"I didn't sleep too well last night," he replied, rubbing his face as she moved towards him.

"Why? Last anyone heard, you got Blair exactly where you wanted her when the lights went out," she said as he looked up at her.

"Yeah, and in case you missed it, she left me and walked right back upstairs with _him_," he stated before looking away.

"You still like her, don't you?" she teased with a soft laugh.

When he turned back to meet her gaze, she suddenly realized how broken was.

"Chuck…," she began, but he cut her off.

"I felt like I was suffocating last night. The thought of her and him…," he said and swallowed hard. "I just needed to be alone."

"Chuck, I can't believe I didn't notice how strongly you feel for her. I just always thought it was an obsession or a fascination and that you'd get bored eventually. I never thought that you actually…," Serena stated, but he looked away before she could finish.

Sighing, she sat down next to him on his bed.

"Why don't you just tell her how you feel?" she asked.

"What's the point? She's already sealed the deal with him," he said and cringed on the inside at his own words.

Serena stared at the boy beside her for a long moment in silence. Despite the mutual bitterness they felt for one another in the past, they had started growing closer after Bart and Lilly had first announced their engagement. He had helped her deal with the Georgina crisis and she would even go so far to say that she had started to care for him as a brother. It all still felt unconventional to Serena and she still hated him a lot of the time and was disgusted by some of his antics. Yet she was able to see the humanity inside him during the past few weeks and the animosity she had felt was slowly falling away.

"Maybe they didn't even sleep together," she finally offered.

When he remained motionless, Serena sighed and rose to her feet.

"Look, you're the one who abandoned her all summer, hurt her and humiliated her so you know you deserve it," she began as he continued to stare at his feet. "But no one deserves to be this miserable, not even _you_."

She added the last part to lighten the mood and was somewhat relieved when he smiled up at her.

"Why sis, I never knew you cared," he said, his voice sounding less defeated.

"I don't, but the sooner you and Blair patch things up, the sooner I can stop hearing about it," she replied as he rose from his bed.

"So tell me. How is Humpty Dumpty these days?" he shot back at her, his signature smirk returning to his face.

"Now there's the Chuck I know and hate," she said sarcastically. "And Dan is just fine, thank you. We're happy."

"I'd say I'm happy for you, but then I do hate to lie," he said and walked towards her with a wide grin. "Who am I kidding? I'm so happy for you, sis."

"Good to see your usual charming self has returned full force," she muttered before following him into the kitchen where Lilly and Eric were seated, already having started on their breakfast.

"Good morning you two," Lilly said politely as Serena beamed happily at her mother while Chuck smiled sarcastically. "Charles, your father was looking for you last night."

Chuck's face brightened at the thought just as Bart walked into the room, planting a kiss on Lilly's cheek.

"What did you need to see me about, father?" Chuck asked, looking towards the older version of him.

"I wanted to tell you not to pull any more stunts this year at school. The sooner you graduate, the sooner I can have some peace and quiet," he replied before walking out of the room, the day's newspaper in his hand.

Chuck's face immediately fell as everyone glanced at him in silence.

"Bart Bass: father of the year," he said before dropping his breakfast back onto the table and turning towards Eric. "Come on, let's go get drunk in my limo before school."

With that, he turned and walked off as Lilly came to interject.

"He's kidding," Eric said with a nervous laugh before running after his step-brother, leaving a quiet Serena and Lilly behind.

Once they arrived at school, Serena looked around the courtyard for Dan but was instead pulled to the side by Blair.

"Blair, what's going on?" Serena exclaimed, rubbing her arm.

"Sorry, but we need to talk," Blair began, the desperation in her voice apparent. "It's about Marcus and last night."

"Blair, I really don't need any details," Serena began to interrupt, but Blair cut her off.

"We didn't sleep together!" she expressed. "We were upstairs in my room, lying on the bed making out and I felt repulsed whenever he put his hands on me! I couldn't go through with it."

"B, what does that tell you?" Serena asked, placing her hand on her friend's shoulder in comfort. "Maybe you should stop this game that you're playing because you're hurting both guys in the process, not to mention yourself."

Blair looked away sadly just in time to see a preoccupied Chuck walking up the stairs behind Serena with Eric in tow. Clearing her throat, she smiled brightly and turned back to her friend.

"Oh Serena, it was the best night ever," she began gushing, her sudden change in tone surprising Serena who stared at her in confusion.

Chuck stopped dead in his tracks and watched the two girls as Blair purposely kept her eyes on her best friend, pretending that she hadn't noticed him.

"Marcus is the most amazing lover. He's so sensitive and passionate. It's like he was reading my mind as we made love," she continued and sighed happily.

"Blair, you…," Serena began, but Blair cut her off.

"And he kept whispering sweet words in my ear afterwards as we snuggled in bed. Oh Serena, it was like a fairytale," she gushed.

The pain in Chuck's eyes was apparent to anyone within a ten foot radius. Blair glanced behind Serena's shoulder and saw the sadness in his eyes, his face and his entire figure. Noticing how preoccupied she was, Serena turned around and noticed Chuck standing behind them, realizing that the lie Blair had given was for his advantage. When he finally managed to tear his eyes away, he turned and walked down the stairs, heading back towards his limo as they watched him leave. Eric shook his head and walked the rest of the way into the school as Serena turned to her best friend.

"Sometimes you take things too far, Blair," she began.

"What do you mean?" Blair asked innocently.

"You know exactly what I mean!" Serena replied. "How long are you going to hurt him and break his heart?"

"Heart?" Blair spat back. "As if he even has one."

"He does, Blair. Believe me, even Chuck feels pain," Serena replied. "You know what I don't understand? You gave Nate a thousand chances and even though he kept throwing each one in your face and messing things up, you kept taking him back. But you can't give Chuck a _second _one?"

Blair looked away at her words as Serena laughed gently.

"Did I just stand up for _Chuck_?" she said to herself before shaking her head. "Where's Dan?"

With that, she turned and walked into the school as Blair turned towards the street. She watched in silence as Chuck's limousine pulled away from the curb, leaving her feeling worse then when the morning had first started.


	3. Chapter 3

There are some spoilers for episode 2

**There are some spoilers for episode 2.05 in this chapter and the next. Not everything is the same, but some of the dialogue is :)**

Chapter III

Dan Humphrey looked around the small, messy office with scattered pieces of paper and books lying everywhere. A rusty, golden nametag sat in the corner of the desk, reading Henry Adams.

"So I read what you wrote," the Pulitzer Prize winning author exclaimed before tossing the single page of Dan's manuscript on his desk. "Garbage."

"Hey, I spent a lot of time on that," Dan defended.

"It's garbage because it's boring. Your main character lacks intrigue and passion and that's your biggest problem. You need to get out of your comfort zone," Adams stated.

"So you think I should write about someone more intriguing and exciting?" Dan asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I think that you go to an expensive, posh private school and that there must be one person amongst the crowd that stands out," he claimed.

Dan thought about it for a moment before rolling his eyes. "Well, there is this one guy…"

"Great! Get close to him, uncover his deepest, darkest secrets and write about that," Adams stated.

"Look, you don't understand. I absolutely _loathe_ this guy," Dan began.

"Do you even know him?" Adams cut in.

"Let me see, he tried to force himself on my younger sister last year," Dan replied and scoffed. "I think I know enough."

"Scandalous," Adams said with a thin smile. "What else do you know?"

"He slept with his best friend's ex-girlfriend in the back of his limo the same night they broke up," Dan added as his mentor laughed aloud.

"See, now _that_ will sell," he expressed. This kid's your story, Humphrey. Get close to him."

When Dan sat motionless, Adams leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms at his chest.

"You've already been dumped by four other writers the past couple weeks. Get this wrong and you're out of here," he stated firmly.

Sighing, Dan rose to his feet, grabbed the piece of paper with scribbled remarks all over it and stormed out of the office, the frustration apparent on his face. It was mid-afternoon on a Saturday as he made his way to the main street to hail a cab. Before he knew what he was doing, he was paying the cab driver and walking towards the Van Der Woodsen / Bass home. Inside the empty condo, Chuck finished his drink before removing his cell phone from his jacket pocket. Dialing a familiar number, he waited three rings before it went straight to voice mail.

'_Hey, this is Nate. Leave a message' _his best friend's voice came through.

Sighing, he closed his phone shut just as the doorbell rang. Walking towards it, both he and Dan were surprised at who they saw.

"My sister's not here, Humphrey, so go and bug someone else," he said and came to close the door when Chuck stopped him.

"Actually, I'm here to see you," he said as Chuck frowned in suspicion. "You see, I was thinking it's time for me to get out of Brooklyn and see the real New York. You know, step out of my comfort zone and I immediately thought of you. I'd like to experience the world of Chuck Bass."

They stared at one another for a moment, with Dan hoping his rant had convinced the boy standing across from him.

"Are you gay?" Chuck finally asked, his response causing Dan to frown.

"That would definitely be out of my comfort zone, but no," he replied.

Chuck stared at him for another moment before moving past him. "You're lucky I'm bored."

"Is that a yes?" Dan asked, turning to follow him into the elevator.

"Get in before I change my mind," he exclaimed as Dan got into the elevator behind him.

"Where are we going?" Dan wondered aloud as they stepped out of the elevator.

"I need a drink," Chuck replied, leading the way to his limousine.

"Do you go everywhere in your limo?" Dan asked as he climbed in the backseat with him.

"Why not? I can afford it," he replied in a disinterested tone.

Another moment of silence passed as the driver pulled onto the street.

"So have you always lived in New York?" Dan questioned, breaking the silence.

"Born and bred," Chuck replied, staring outside his window.

"You're a single child, right?" Dan continued.

"Yeah, and I also like to drink and have sex," Chuck stated, facing him with an annoyed expression on his face. "What's with the twenty questions?"

"Just curious," Dan replied, shrugging his shoulders.

"Are you sure you're not gay?" Chuck asked again. "I'd say I'm flattered but then that would be a lie."

Dan forced a smile as he turned to face him. "You have a pretty big reputation that follows you everywhere. I was just curious. And besides, I'm dating Serena."

With a gentle scoff, Chuck turned his attention back to his driver, pressing a small button as the screen connecting the back with the front slid down.

"Pull over here, Ronald," he said as the driver came to a stop at the side of the road.

"Where are we?" Dan asked, looking through the window.

"I have an errand to run," he said before getting out.

Dan watched as he walked across the street into a small law firm before getting out of the limo himself. Grabbing his cell phone, he quickly dialed his newest mentor.

"Tell me you have something good," Adams said from the other end of the phone.

"He likes to drink and have sex," Dan replied.

"What kid your age doesn't?" he exclaimed in an incredulous tone.

"Well, we just stopped in front of a law firm," Dan added.

"It's probably just family business," Adams brushed it away. "These are not the juicy details we talked about, Humphrey. Don't call me again unless you have something good."

Just as he hung up, Chuck walked back to the limo and placed a folded piece of paper in his inner jacket pocket.

"Get in," he said as they climbed back into the vehicle.

As the driver pulled back into the street, Dan couldn't help but wonder about the details of the paper. Despite what Adams had said, Dan was sure that wealthy people like the Bass family had lawyers who worked for them round the clock or at least that they were represented by a large law firm. What would Chuck need at a small law firm?

**We're wondering the same thing, Lonely Boy. Why **_**did**_** our resident bad boy secretly visit a small law firm? Is something happening at Casa Bass? XOXO Gossip Girl**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

They drove for a few minutes until the driver pulled to a stop on the side of the road. Dan peered out of his window and stared at the building in confusion.

"A burlesque club?" he asked, following Chuck out of the limo. "These places actually exist?"

Chuck gave him a weird look before turning his attention back to Victrola.

"Yeah, it's mine," he replied.

"You own this place?" Dan asked, admittedly impressed.

"More or less," he said as something behind Dan's shoulder caught his attention.

"What?" Dan asked, following his gaze.

They both watched as Blair and Marcus made their way down the street, arm in arm. The beaming grin on Blair's face was apparent all the way from their side of the street as she laughed and flirted with him heavily. Dan watched quietly as Chuck's gaze grew dark and sadness swept over him.

"Stay here," he said and began heading across the street.

Seeing his approach, Blair turned to Marcus sweetly.

"Darling, will you please go inside this store and ask how much those artifacts are?" she asked, pointing inside an antique shop behind them.

"Of course," Marcus said and walked inside just as Chuck reached her.

"What do you want Bass?" she asked, her expression turning cold.

"When are you going to stop this, Blair?" he asked quietly.

"Stop what?" she asked innocently.

"This show you've put on for everyone," he said and leaned in towards her. "I know you don't really like this guy."

"Like usual, you're wrong," she said, but made no effort to push him away as he moved her until her back was pressed to the side of the building. "Marcus and I are very happy together."

"If you wanted to hurt me, you've proved your point," he said softly, lowering his gaze to her mouth. "I'm sorry I left you. I've regretted it every second. You know that."

"I told you once that all you had to do was say three words," she started.

"Blair, did you ever think that maybe there's a reason I can't say those words so quickly," he exclaimed.

"That's because you don't feel it," she snapped at him.

"Look at me, Waldorf," he said. "Every time I see you with him, all I want to do is strangle him. Every time he puts his hands on you, I remember what it was like when I did. Every time he kisses you, I remember how hot your skin felt with every touch."

Blair looked away as her breath got caught in her throat. With that, he turned her face back towards his and pressed his lips onto hers. At first she stood frozen in his embrace but the familiarity of the kiss made Blair respond rather hungrily. Burying her hands in his hair, she matched his passion as she kissed him back. A few more seconds passed before she realized what was happening and pushed him off of her.

"No!" she snapped at him. "No, you can't just kiss me and think that everything is okay!"

"Blair…," he began and reached out to her once more, but what she did surprised them both.

Her left hand made sudden contact with his cheek, leaving a red mark on his face and a shocked expression in his eyes.

"What the hell was that for?" he growled at her.

"I hate you," she said, but the sadness in her eyes didn't match the venom in her voice.

He stared at her for a long moment as an awkward Dan looked away from the scene.

"So that's it, huh?" he asked, rubbing his cheek. "Nate sleeps with your best friend behind your back and you take him back without a word. I leave you at the airport because I'm afraid of how I feel and of the day you realize I'm not good enough for you and you eventually leave me…but you won't give me a second chance."

Blair came to say something, but he shook his head and held his hand up to silence her.

"I guess this is it, then," he said and straightened his suit. "Go back to your knight in shining armor and leave me out of it."

"If I'm not mistaken, you're the one who keeps attacking me with your lips," she snapped back at him.

"That's because you keep flaunting your happiness in front of me. You did your job, alright. You hurt me like I hurt you. You got your revenge," he said and shrugged. "Satisfied?"

Blair remained silent as she cast her gaze down at her fidgeting hands.

"Like I said, go back to your fake relationship and leave me alone," he said.

Looking up at him, she scoffed and crossed her arms at her chest.

"And you can go back to the countless whores you bed every night because they're the only people who seem to give a damn about you," she said.

"Nate's out of town, just so you know," he replied.

"Nate's only friends with you out of habit and who are you with now? Humphrey? What, did you pay him to hang out with you since that's all you're good at…tossing money around," she said as he stared at her with a painful expression on his face. "Even Humphrey has more people who care about him than you. At least his lame 90's father gives a damn. Your own father even loathes you."

He stared at her for a long moment, unable to hide the hurt in his eyes.

"You really can be a heartless bitch, you know that," he said quietly. "No wonder Nate screwed Serena behind your back."

Blair's jaw widened as she stared at him, caught completely off guard by his words.

"What, you can dish it out but you can't take it?" he said and scoffed. "I'm not just done with this little game you've been playing, Waldorf. I'm just done."

With that, he turned and walked back across the street as she watched him go with tearful eyes. Without a single word, he moved past Dan and stormed into the club. Dan glanced back at Blair before following him just as Marcus walked out of the shop.

"Blair, are you alright?" he asked worriedly.

"Yes, it's just my allergies," she replied with a forced smile. "I'm actually not feeling that well. Will you take me home?"

"Of course," he said, leading her back up the sidewalk towards his car.

As they walked, Blair glanced back warily at Victrola, memories plaguing her mind before she looked away and hid her tears.


	5. Chapter 5

Dan glanced around the club as he followed a silent Chuck towards his personal booth at the front of the stage. Four female dancers walked by and winked at both boys but Chuck was too preoccupied with thoughts of Blair to notice. Sitting down, he sighed heavily as Dan sat across from him.

"I still can't believe you own this place," he said, shaking his head.

When he noticed Chuck hadn't responded with his usual witty remark, he cleared his throat.

"So what was that all about?" he asked. "You and Blair."

"Nothing," Chuck replied absently.

"It looked pretty intense," Dan added. "Not that I was looking while you and Blair sucked at each other's faces."

Chuck glared at him for a moment before tuning towards one of the waitresses. She immediately walked towards them and he ordered six shots of tequila. The girl returned moments later with the filled shot glasses on a silver tray before smiling at Chuck and walking off. Dan shook his head at the number of girls who had already flirted with him that he seemed oblivious to.

"You said you wanted to experience the life of Chuck Bass," he began, grabbing one glass and pushing the rest in front of Dan. "This is it in all its glory so get started."

Staring at him for a moment, Dan laughed wryly.

"You know, I'm really not that big of a drinker," he began as Chuck lowered his gaze.

"I get bored really easily, Humphrey," he said in a low voice as Dan sighed and grabbed one of the glasses.

He drank the liquid and coughed lightly as Chuck easily slid the alcohol down his own throat without so much as an expression on his face.

"You drink a lot?" Dan asked placing the empty glass back down as Chuck turned to face him. "It's just that it didn't seem to bother you, the alcohol."

"You can get used to anything as long as you have enough practice," he replied and removed his cell phone as it rang. "Yes father?"

Dan used the distraction to glance around the club once more as music played in the background.

"I know but it wasn't my…," Chuck began defending himself but was cut off by his father.

The tone of the conversation caught Dan's attention and he turned back to Chuck.

"Okay, I'll take care of it," he said with a sigh. "Listen, are you busy later? Do you want to get a drink maybe?"

Dan watched the expression of the boy in front of him go from cold to sad within a matter of seconds.

"I just figured you'd want to spend some time with your son," Chuck said, shaking his head. "My mistake."

Without waiting to hear Bart's response, he shut his phone and threw it on the table in front of him.

"What's your father like?" Dan asked curiously.

Chuck remained silent for a long time, staring into thin air before finally responding. "Me. Only older…and meaner."

Dan nodded wryly as Chuck rubbed his face and rose to his feet.

"Where are you going?" he asked as Chuck shrugged his arms out of his jacket and placed it over the back of his chair.

"The restroom if that's alright with you?" he said and walked off before Dan had a chance to respond.

As he sat with four shot glasses of tequila in front of him in the middle of a burlesque club, Dan shook his head. So far, what he had seen of Chuck was not what he had been expecting. It was true that his usual wittiness was still in tact, but the Chuck he saw was a far cry from the boy he had punched last year while defending his sister. The boy in front of him seemed lonely and depressed and that was the last thing Dan was expecting to discover when he knocked on the Bass door hours earlier.

Sighing, his eyes stared at the empty seat in front of him before he noticed a folded piece of paper on the ground under their table. Looking to make sure no one was watching him, Dan leaned down and grabbed the piece of paper. Unfolding it in his lap, he quickly read the contents as his eyes slowly widened.

"Do you have a habit of butting into the business of others?" Chuck's voice came from behind him.

Startled that he had been caught, Dan whirled around in his seat only to have Chuck yank the piece of paper out of his hand.

"I…," he began as Chuck refolded the paper. "Why did you wire all that money out of your account?"

"It's none of your business," Chuck replied angrily.

"Are you doing something illegal?" Dan asked dumbly as Chuck faced him with a frown.

"I sold this place," he stated, wearing his jacket. "I sold it and wired the money to Mrs. Archibald's account to help them out of the mess her husband created. I was going to do it before but Nate found out and was pissed."

"But you're still doing it," Dan commented.

"The guy's like a brother to me. He can be pissed all he wants," Chuck replied. "As long as he and his mother stay out of jail, it really doesn't matter."

"Chuck, that's…," Dan began.

"It's our little secret, do you understand," Chuck cut in, throwing a few bills on the table.

"But what you're doing is so generous," Dan said, getting to his own feet. "Why don't you want people to know?"

"I didn't do it so people could praise me afterward," he began. "Society cast its opinion on me a long time ago and that's never going to change no matter what I do to try and change it. My own father even…"

He caught himself before he said anything else and cleared his throat.

"Just mind your own business and keep your mouth shut," he said and began walking to the bar where a blond girl was seated, desperately needing something to distract him.

Leaning down, he whispered something in her ear as the girl pulled away from him with a confused look on her face. Realizing his error, Chuck shook his head.

"Sorry," he said and laughed gently. "My mistake."

As Dan watched from the table, the girl's boyfriend moved towards them from the restroom. After asking his girlfriend what had happened, he pushed Chuck slightly as the boy turned to face him.

"You need some manners," the guy began.

"It was an honest mistake," Chuck replied.

"Thinking my girlfriend's a hooker?" the guy asked and pushed him again just as Dan walked towards them, holding his hands up in interference.

"Well maybe you should tell your girlfriend not to dress like a high class call girl next time," Chuck replied.

Just as the guy came to hit him, Dan punched him square in the face, sending the guy onto his back on the ground. Chuck stared at an equally surprised Dan with a slight frown just as the new manager walked towards them.

Dan stared at the blandness of the tiles in their holding cell as he sat on a worn out, wooden bench across from Chuck. The manager had called the police since Chuck was no longer the owner and they had been booked moments earlier.

"My dad's going to kill me," Dan began with a nervous look on his face. "Strike that, he's going to crucify me."

"For what it's worth, Humphrey, you had my back. Never thought I'd say this, but thanks," Chuck exclaimed.

"Let me see what's more important: my father's wrath of Chuck Bass' gratitude?" Dan said sarcastically as Chuck smiled wryly at him.

"At least your father cares," he stated quietly.

"I'm sure yours does too," Dan began.

"Please, he expects this," Chuck said, shaking his head. "He'll just be annoyed that he has to call his lawyer."

Dan watched him for a moment before asking, "Has he always been like that?"

"Since I was born," Chuck replied, staring at the ground.

"That doesn't make sense. No one hates babies, not even Bart Bass," Dan said with a small chuckle. "It's in our DNA."

"_He_ does," Chuck stated. "Ever since his beloved wife went into premature labor and died giving birth to me."

The revelation left Dan completely silent as he started at the boy sitting opposite him in surprise.

"It wasn't your fault," he finally expressed.

"Try telling him that," Chuck replied, his voice showing the sadness that he felt. "Sometimes, I swear he think I killed her."

Dan was speechless, unsure of what to say when one of the guards suddenly approached their cell.

"Chuck Bass, your lawyer has arranged your bail," the guard said, opening the cell as Chuck rose to his feet.

Turning towards Dan, he extended his hand to him.

"I'll see if my lawyer can get you released in his charge so they don't have to call your dad," he said.

Smiling wryly, Dan took his hand and shook it as Chuck turned and walked out of the cell. Sighing heavily, Dan was more confused then ever. He couldn't believe that he had actually felt sorry for Chuck Bass and that he had tried comforting him. Things really _had_ changed since last year.

Outside, Chuck signed his release papers as the guard handed him a zip log bag with his personal belongings inside. When he turned the bag over, he noticed that Dan's had been given to him by mistake. Just as he was about to call out to the guard, something inside the bag caught his eyes. Opening it, he removed a piece of paper with the words 'find his secrets' and 'find out what makes him tick' written in red all over the page. Looking up, anger filled his eyes as he made his way back down to the holding cell. Dan smiled gratefully when he saw him as two leather-clad motorists had been placed in the cell with him moments earlier.

"You were writing a story on me?" he asked, slamming the paper onto the bars as his eyes held a mixture of the anger and betrayal that he felt.

Dan stared at the paper in his hand and sighed softly. "Where did you get that?"

"You better watch your back, Humphrey. _No one_ uses Chuck Bass," he said, his voice sounding ice cold.

With that, he crumpled the piece of paper and threw it at the bars before turning to leave. Stopping mid-step at the door, he turned around to face Dan once more.

"The story I told you about my mother is not true," he exclaimed. "She died in a plane crash in the Andies when I was six."

With that, he stormed off as Dan watched him go, regret showing all over his face. He had begun to see a different side of Chuck Bass that night, one that was vastly different from the pompous, arrogant prick he usually encountered. This Chuck Bass was sad and lonely and that made Dan regret his decision of listening to his mentor that morning even more.


	6. Chapter 6

I know I've already used the song Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol in my other story, but I couldn't resist. It's one of my favorite songs and I think of Chuck & Blair whenever I hear it :)

Chapter Six

When Serena entered her best friend's bedroom, she sighed when she saw her curled up into a ball on top of her covers.

"B, what's wrong?" she asked worriedly as she sat down by her side.

Blair looked up at her with red, puffy eyes before slowly sitting up.

"I ran into Chuck yesterday," she began quietly. "Marcus and I were walking down the street and then I saw him approaching us. I got rid of Marcus and when he reached me, we traded insults and he kissed me."

"Then what?" Serena asked. "What made you so upset?"

"We said some nasty things to one another and he left. He called me heartless and he left," Blair replied, looking away.

"Blair," Serena began before sighing. "What did you think would happen? You're playing with Chuck's heart and your own, not to mention Marcus'. Sweetie, you need to stop this and come clean with both of them about your feelings."

"I can't," Blair said, tears threatening to form in her eyes.

"Why?" Serena asked after a moment's silence.

"I can't lose control," she began, her response receiving a frown from her friend. "There's so much that always goes wrong in my life, from my parents divorcing to my mom never giving a damn all these years and then everything that happened with Nate and now Chuck. Being in control of things is all I have left and I can't lose that."

"Why do you think you'll lose control with Chuck?" Serena asked softly.

"Whenever I'm around him, there's only one thing I think about. All I want is for him to kiss me and make love to me and I end up losing whatever control I have. I can't do that," Blair said quietly.

"Blair, that just means that your feelings are real…_very_ real," Serena stated softly. "It's okay to give up some control when you're in love with someone."

"But I did! I did and he abandoned me! I can't go through that again," Blair said, shaking her head. "And I'm not in love with him."

"Yeah you are," Serena corrected her. "The way the two of you fight and spar with one another is some twisted form of foreplay. It's who you are and who he is and nothing can change that. But you need to tell him how you feel, Blair. I know he can be a Bass-tard, as you like to call him, but I've seen him at home sometimes when he thinks no one's watching him. He really is hurting."

Blair looked away and let out a tired sigh.

"Just tell him," Serena repeated. "He won't hurt you again."

"How do you know that?" she asked in a quiet and shaky voice.

"You can tell by just looking at him," Serena replied and laughed softly. "I never thought Chuck was capable of loving anyone other than himself, but he proved me wrong. He loves you. Either tell him how you feel or be done with it once and for all."

Blair stared at her best friend for a long time, her mind debating her options over and over again. She was just so tired of putting up a happy façade to the rest of the world about her and Marcus when in reality, she found him boring and dull. All she wanted was to be with the person she was in love with. The sudden thought caught Blair by surprise. Did she really love Chuck Bass? Her mind quickly scanned over the many memories she had of the two of them before settling on that night in his limousine after they had left Victrola. That's when it had all began. The way he had looked at her and how softly he had spoken had made her feel both naked and alive before him. She had been the one who had initiated it and kissed him first and everything she had thought she knew about Chuck Bass had scattered away when he had spoken the words 'are you sure?' to her. She had always thought that he had slept his way through life and the fact that he had been hesitant on making love to her in his limo that night had spoken volumes to her. Smiling genuinely for the first time in a long while, she looked up at Serena who smiled back at her. She _did_ love him.

A few blocks away, Chuck slowly opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling of his bedroom. Taking a deep breath, he pulled the sheets off of his body and rose to his feet, running a hand through his messy hair. Slipping out of his pajamas, he slowly dressed in black pants and a simple but fashionable black sweater before heading towards the bathroom. After washing his hands and splashing some cold water on his face, he walked back into his room and started heading downstairs. Seated at the dining table were Erik and Lilly, having already started their breakfast.

"Good morning Charlie," Lilly greeted him pleasantly as he nodded at her, his mind still plagued with thoughts of his argument with Blair and what had happened between him and Dan. "I didn't hear you come in last night. Did you have a good day yesterday?"

"Anything but, actually," he admitted quietly.

Before she was able to say anything else, Bart stormed into the room holding a copy of the New York Post in his hand.

"Do you care to explain this?" he snapped, his animosity directed towards his son.

Lilly and Erik were taken aback by his sudden rage as Chuck snapped out of his daze and frowned.

"Explain what?" he asked in a moody tone.

"This!" Bart shouted before shoving the newspaper into his son's chest.

Lilly rose to her feet at her husband's behavior as Chuck turned the paper over to the front page. Staring up at him was the headline 'Billionaire's Wife Died From Premature Birth, Not Plane Crash'. Chuck's eyes slowly moved to meet his father's angry gaze as he dropped the paper onto the table. Lilly immediately scooped it up and read the headline before looking at the two men in silence.

"Do you have any idea the scandal that is going to arise because of this?" Bart yelled at his son as Chuck stood frozen. "Now the entire world is going to know details of our life that I have tried to keep locked away all these years!"

Chuck remained silent, unable to form any words as Bart snatched the paper back from his wife and focused on a certain paragraph.

" 'Chuck Bass, his seventeen year old son who is set to inherit his father's billions, was quoted that his mother died while giving birth to him and not in a plane crash as Bass senior had previously expressed. Why has Bass been keeping such details from society? It makes us wonder what else this billionaire has been keeping quiet,' " Bart read aloud.

"I'm sorry," Chuck began. "Dan Humphrey said he wanted to hang out last night and after the bar fight, I accidentally let it slip. I didn't know until after that he was writing a story."

"Of course not because you never think!" Bart cut in, causing Chuck to sigh.

"Look, why does it even matter if everyone finds out my mother died giving birth to me?" he asked.

"Don't you understand that there's a bigger picture than the one you see?" Bart snapped at him.

"Bart," Lilly began, but her husband ignored her.

"What bigger picture?" Chuck asked in frustration.

"Your mother and I were going through a rough patch when she was pregnant. She was going to leave me and I couldn't let that happen. I was close to securing a few business agreements which helped me create our fortune and the owners, who valued family and marriage, would have never signed if they knew of our situation," he explained.

"So you kept her death a secret for a business deal?" Chuck asked in shock.

"That business deal, as you put it so lightly, gave you all the comforts you live in today," Bart snapped before shaking his head. "You wouldn't understand."

"Oh, I understand everything," Chuck began with a scoff. "I understand that you spent all these years blaming me for your precious wife's death when it was the stress and grief you gave her all along. Tell me father, did you cheat on her with the city's newest bimbo?"

Bart looked away momentarily, trying his hardest to keep his composure but the shame he felt was evident to everyone in the room.

"For a man who holds himself so high, you're nothing more than a cheating liar whose refusal to keep it in your pants caused your wife to go into premature labor!" Chuck exclaimed angrily.

"Be quiet!" Bart snapped and before he knew what he was doing, he slapped Chuck hard on his cheek.

"Bart!" Lilly gasped as his move caught everyone by surprise, especially Chuck who stood frozen.

Bart cleared his throat and fixed his tie before looking up.

"I want you out of this house," he began firmly.

"You're kicking me out?" Chuck asked in disbelief.

"Bart!" Lilly tried again, but her plea went on deaf ears.

"Lilly, I don't tell you how to raise Serena and Erik and I would appreciate if you do me the same courtesy," he said and faced his son once more. "You heard me. I want you out."

"Fine," Chuck spat back bitterly. "I'll just go to one of your many penthouse suites. They always felt more like home to me than here anyway."

"You misunderstood me," Bart exclaimed. "When I said I want you out, I don't just mean from this house. I mean that you're out of the family. As far as I am concerned, you and I no longer have anything to do with one another. You are already eighteen years old so you can take care of yourself. Your trust fund will no longer exist and since you squandered away that large sum of money you had saved up…"

"I gave that money to Nate's mother to help them with the mess they're in," Chuck countered weakly.

"None of that matters," Bart cut in. "You are out of this house and out of this family as of this moment."

"Bart, stop this right now," Lilly exclaimed, but he refused to look at her.

"So that's it then?" Chuck asked, tears already starting to form in his eyes. "You cheat on your wife and lie all these years for the sake of some business deal and somehow I'm still the one to blame."

"She'd still be here if you never existed," Bart finished, putting the final nail in the coffin as Chuck laughed softly and nodded.

"And that's where we always end up," he said. "The very bane of my existence: if I had never been born, she'd still be alive."

Lilly stared at her stepson sadly as he took a gentle step back.

"I wish it had been you who had died that day," he said before turning to leave as they watched him go.

As he rounded the corner, he saw Dan standing there with a copy of the Post in his hand. He looked at Chuck with a mixture of sadness and regret, having heard the argument from moments ago.

"Chuck, I'm…," he began but he was unable to find the right words as the other boy pushed past him and stormed out.

Once he was outside on the sidewalk, Chuck looked up shakily. He didn't know what to do or where to go. As countless bystanders walked by, his brown eyes turned grave and for the first time in a long while, he was scared.

_We'll do it all  
Everything  
On our own.  
We don't need  
Anything  
Or anyone._

After what seemed like forever, Chuck took the first step down the street, disappearing amongst the crowd with a dazed expression on his face. Moments later, a car pulled to a stop and Blair and Serena both stepped out. Walking towards the condominium arm in arm, they stepped into the lobby and rode the elevator up laughing. Blair was nervous about seeing him, but Serena soothed her fears away as they got off on the penthouse floor. Walking inside, the walked into the living room where they saw Lilly and Erik seated quietly at the table with Dan, while Bart was nowhere to be seen.

"Mom, what's going on?" Serena asked, untangling her arm from Blair and moving to her boyfriend. "Dan?"

They all looked up at both girls before Lilly cleared her throat to explain. Outside, Chuck continued walking down the street, unsure of where he was heading but with no thoughts of stopping. His eyes were tired and his face was distraught but he continued walking.

_If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?  
_

Back in the condominium, Blair fell into one of the seats at the table with shock on her face as Serena turned away from Dan.

"Serena," Dan began, moving towards her. "I had no idea my mentor was going to write the story. I told him last night that I didn't want to be that kind of writer, the one that exposes people's deepest secrets for personal gain and he sounded disappointed, but stood by my decision. You have to believe me; I had no idea."

Serena looked at her boyfriend and sighed, understanding that it wasn't his fault but also somewhat blaming him for tricking Chuck in the first place. Dan reached out for her hand, but she pulled away from him, causing him to look away sadly.

"I can't believe…," Blair began, but was unsure of what to say. "How can Bart be so cruel to his own son?"

Lilly came to answer, but even she was unable to understand her husband's actions, let alone explain them.

"That's why he never celebrates his birthday and why he never trusts anyone," Blair said, more to herself than anyone else.

Tears formed in her eyes as she thought about how he must have felt and she immediately rose to her feet.

"I have to find him," she said as Serena moved towards her.

"I'll go with you," she offered but Blair shook her head.

"Thank you but this is something I need to do alone," she replied. "He needs to know how I feel now more than ever."

Serena nodded and both girls embraced tightly before Blair hurried to the elevator.

_I don't quite know  
How to say  
How I feel.  
Those three words  
I said too much  
They're not enough._

Sighing, Serena turned back to Dan who was still standing in his spot, the newspaper in his hands.

"I think you should go," Serena said as Dan looked up at her.

"Serena…," he began, but she held her hand up.

"Please," she said quietly as he finally gave in.

Lowering his head, he moved towards the elevator as Serena sat down next to her mother.

"I can't believe Bart," she said. "I mean, he always seemed like he was trying to make an effort with us, but with Chuck…"

She glanced at her brother before her gaze landed on her mother.

"What's going to happen now?" she asked.

"I don't know," Lilly replied honestly.

Outside, Blair jumped back into her car and informed the driver of her first destination. As the driver pulled onto the street, she stared out of her window sadly.

_If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

_Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life_

Chuck had eventually hailed a cab and had told the driver to keep going until he told him to stop. As they crossed over into Brooklyn, he saw a small café with the corner of his eyes and told the man to stop. Paying his tab, he stepped out of the cab and silently stared at the quaint café. Before he had a chance to change his mind, he stepped into the café and looked around. The regular customers all turned to stare at him, his clothes and hair proving that he was from Manhattan and didn't belong. Moving to the counter, he sat down on one of the stools as the owner walked towards him. He was African-American with grayish hair but a warm smile on his face.

"What can I get you?" the man asked in a friendly tone.

"Just a coffee," Chuck replied quietly as the man poured a cup for him.

"You're not from around here, are you?" he asked as Chuck absently shook his head.

"I don't know where I'm from," he replied quietly as he stared into the dark liquid.

_Let's waste time  
Chasing cars  
Around our heads.  
I need your grace  
To remind me  
To find my own_

Back in her car, Blair pulled out her phone and dialed the number she had burned into her memory, but his deep voice told her that he was unavailable. Sighing, she dialed the next best person and waited before Nate answered his cell.

"Blair, is that you?" Nate greeted her.

"Yes. Have you heard from Chuck?" she asked hurriedly.

"Chuck? No, why?" he replied, sounding distracted. "Listen, Blair, if this is about the game you guys are playing back and forth with one another, leave me out of it."

"No, this is about your best friend's world crashing around him and you not giving a damn!" she snapped before shutting her phone.

Nate stared at his cell phone with a frown just as Catherine snaked her arm around his waist.

"Are you coming back to bed?" she whispered from behind him as he turned to face her.

"I need to go see my friend," he said but she pulled his face towards hers and kissed him deeply.

"He can wait," she purred into his ear as he lost himself in her and moved in for another kiss.

Shaking her head in disbelief, Blair turned back to her cell phone when she heard the sound of a text message arriving. Flipping it open, she read the words _'Our designated bad boy just stepped into a café in Brooklyn. What made him go across the bridge? Can it be a house call? XOXO Gossip Girl'_. Blair shook her head at Gossip Girl's annoying words, but secretly thanked her for telling her where Chuck was. Giving her driver the directions, she sat back and fidgeted quietly, her mind going over everything she wanted to say to him. At the bar, Chuck continued to stare into his coffee as the owner walked back towards him.

"Are you ever going to drink that?" he asked softly.

Chuck looked up at him and the man was able to see how broken up he really was.

"Listen, are you in some kind of trouble?" he asked but before Chuck could reply, a female voice broke the conversation.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Vanessa asked as she moved towards them.

"You know him?" the owner asked and she scoffed in reply.

"Unfortunately I do," she replied and turned back to Chuck who was looking away from her. "What, are you here to pity the poor?"

With that, Chuck looked into her eyes and she too noticed how torn he seemed.

"My father kicked me out," he said simply as Vanessa seemed taken aback.

"Did he get tired of bailing you out of jail?" Vanessa joked, uncomfortable with how vulnerable he seemed.

"He kicked me out of my home and my family," Chuck said before laughing bitterly.

Vanessa stared at him for a long while before exchanging glances with Frank, the owner. They both turned back to him as he stared into thin air, the sadness he felt unmistakable.

_If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?  
Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life_

"Why?" she found herself asking.

The fact that she cared surprised her. After all, wasn't she supposed to hate Chuck Bass? She and Dan had even shaken on it months ago.

"He blames me for my mother's death," he said quietly, pulling her out of her thoughts. "You see, his precious wife died giving birth to me and he's blamed me all these years. It doesn't matter that he had cheated on her while she was pregnant and that his adultery most likely caused her so much stress that she went into premature labor. The way he sees it, she'd dead because of me."

"Did your father really say that?" Vanessa asked quietly.

"Right before he kicked me out this morning," Chuck replied. "You see, last night I made the mistake of trusting your dear pal Humphrey when he said he wanted to hang out and in a moment that I will forever regret, I told him about my mom, rather than the fake story my father told the rest of the world of her dying in a plane crash when I was six. What do I get in return? He writes a story about our life and it becomes headlines in the morning Post."

"Dan wouldn't do that," Vanessa said, shaking her head.

"Yeah, well he did," Chuck stated and looked up at her. "When you see him, tell him I said thanks for helping my father finally rid his hands of me."

He came to get up, but Vanessa found herself grabbing his arm to stop him.

"Wait," she said as he turned back to look at her.

He seemed completely heartbroken and torn and she felt herself feeling for him despite her better judgment.

"Where are you going to go?" she asked, awkwardly removing her hand.

"What's it to you?" he asked but the stern look on her face made him sigh. "Well, considering I'm homeless, penniless and have no family, I was thinking of shacking up with the homeless down the street."

She disregarded his comment and changed her footing.

"What about Nate?" Vanessa asked quietly, still hurt over having heard about him and the Duchess.

"If you find him, let me know," Chuck said and sighed. "The guy's got enough problems, anyway."

"Well, what about Blair?" she asked as his expression grew even sadder than before.

_All that I am  
All that I ever was  
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see_

_I don't know where  
Confused about how as well  
Just know that these things will never change for us at all_

"Didn't you hear? Blair loathes my very existence," he replied. "She and daddy dearest should meet up and start the 'I Hate Chuck Bass' club. Millions would join."

With that, he tossed a couple bills on the counter before heading outside as Frank pushed her to follow him.

"The kid looks like he needs a friend," he stated.

"But we're _not_ friends," she countered.

"Look, I love all the stories you've told me about the rich snobs of the Upper East Side. But what I see in that young man right now is the complete opposite of what you've told me about him," Frank explained as she sighed. "Even _you_ can be wrong sometimes, you know."

Shaking her head with a smile, she walked out after him and found him standing on the sidewalk.

"Look, if you need a place to crash, my place has a sofa," she offered as he faced her. "It's no Hilton or the Palace, but it's available."

"I don't need any pity or charity," he said as she stuffed her hands in her pants pockets and shrugged.

"This is neither," she replied. "This is me stating that I still don't like you, but I have a spare sofa."

He stared at her for a long moment as she felt awkward under his intense gaze.

"I can take care of myself," he said as she nodded.

"I know and I'm not offering 'ever after' here," she replied with a smile. "Just a sofa for the night."

He stared at her for another minute before looking away.

"Where do you live?" he asked.

"Follow me," she said as the two of them began heading down the street. A few meters away, Blair stood outside her car, having seen the entire scene evolve before her.

_If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

Tears formed in her eyes as she watched his quiet and broken form walk away with Vanessa. Her heart began breaking for him and how torn he seemed, but also for herself and for losing him. Had she really missed her chance with him? She stood frozen, unable to chase him down, call out his name or shout out that she loved him. Instead, all she could do was watch as he walked further and further away from her with another girl.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven 

When they entered Vanessa's small but vintage apartment, Chuck glanced around himself quietly. After she had closed the door, she moved to stand beside him.

"The kitchen is through here," Vanessa broke the silence as he followed her gaze. "The bathroom's down the hall and the sofa's right there."

"Don't you get lonely?" he suddenly asked, turning to face her.

She stared at him uncomfortably for a moment before breaking the gaze.

"You hungry?" she asked. "There's some food in the fridge if you are."

"I asked if you get lonely," he repeated. "You live here by yourself?"

"Yeah," Vanessa said, shrugging sadly. "I guess you'd know about loneliness, right?"

Chuck turned away from her and moved towards the sofa, before sitting down with a loud sigh.

"My life's not so bad, you know?" he began as she sat across from him on an armchair. "I mean, I'm wealthier than everyone I know and I have the freedom to do whatever I want, when I want. Or I did, anyway."

With that, he shook his head and looked away.

"You know, it's not even taking the money away that hurt," he said as she frowned at him. "Shocking, right?"

"Quite," she replied in agreement.

"What hurt is that my father kicked me out of the family," he said and sighed once more. "Then again, I guess I should have seen it coming. I mean, we've never had any kind of relationship, just him believing the worst in me and me hating him in return."

"What your father did was wrong," she began as he looked up at her.

"You say that but you don't really know me," he stated. "He, on the other hand, has had a lifetime of experience. He makes some good points."

"Your mother died giving birth to you. That is in no way your fault," Vanessa said firmly.

Chuck remained silent for a long time as sadness appeared on his face once more.

"Why doesn't_ he_ get that?" he finally asked.

She was taken aback by his vulnerability and shifted in her seat.

"Why are you telling _me_ all of this?" she asked as he shrugged softly.

"It's nice to have someone to talk to," he replied. "Even when that person hates you."

Vanessa's heart went out to him despite herself and she sat forward in her seat.

"I don't hate you," she expressed. "I mean, I think you're a manipulative liar but the truth is I don't know you well enough to judge you."

He looked up at her and she saw the sadness once more.

"I'm tired of being alone," he told her quietly. "All my life, I've been surrounded by people and I still feel alone. My father hates me, I never had a mother thanks to me being born, my own best friend is the first to believe the worst in me, Serena can't stand me and Blair…"

He looked away at the thought of Blair as Vanessa moved to sit beside him.

"You really love her, don't you?" she asked but he kept his face down.

"I screwed up with her, I know," he began. "We got back together at the wedding and then I freaked out. I thought she'd end up leaving me once she saw the real me so I left her instead. And then she came back with Marcus and it felt as if she'd ripped my heart out. And I know I shouldn't complain because I hurt her first, but she keeps throwing it in my face. All I've seen these past few weeks is her amazing love story with him and it makes me cringe every time I see them."

"I know what you mean," Vanessa said before she could stop herself.

"You mean Nate, don't you?" he asked as she smiled sadly and looked away. "He can be an idiot sometimes."

"I know he's with that woman because she's helping him financially, but it still hurts when I think about them together," she stated.

"The thing you need to understand about Nathaniel is that he makes stupid decisions. Even though he can be a complete idiot at times, he's got a good heart," he explained.

"Why are you defending him?" she asked suddenly. "You just said that he's the first to believe the worst in you and that he hasn't been there for you so why are you defending him?"

"The guy's like a brother to me. And I did screw up last year behind his back with Blair," he said with a slight shrug.

"But he forgave you for that," she reminded him. "I was there at the wedding, remember?"

Chuck remained quiet for another moment before sitting up in his seat.

"I guess it's because he's the only real family I have," he said and she nodded. "Besides, the amount of money I gave to his mother should pull them out of the mess they're in and let him kick the Duchess to the curb."

She watched him for a long moment, quietly debating something in her mind before she finally spoke.

"You're a good friend," she said as he faced her. "At least, with what I've seen with Nate."

"I slept with his ex-girlfriend," he reminded her but she shook her head.

"Yeah, that was a crappy move," she agreed with a slight laugh. "But you gave his mom all this money to help them out. That's pretty big."

Shrugging again, he rubbed his tired eyes.

"Why is it so easy to talk to a complete stranger and not the people who really care?" Vanessa asked aloud.

"Like I said, I have no parents or family or girlfriend or best friend to talk to," he said, sounding somewhat bitter. "I guess I settled for you."

"Charming as always," she said, trying to lighten the mood. "I'm sorry I judged you before. You seem like a decent guy."

"Try telling my father that," he said and exhaled. "You know, I told him I wished he was dead but the truth is I don't. The truth is that sometimes I wish it had been _me_ who had died that day instead of my mother."

"You're father's wrong to blame you for your mother's death and make you feel this way," Vanessa exclaimed. "It's not your fault."

"Yeah," he said, but she could tell he didn't really believe her.

As they sat in silence on the couch, she was able to see how broken and torn he was. His eyes slowly shut and he leaned his head back on top edge of the sofa, sighing quietly as Vanessa found herself staring at him from the corner of her eyes. The sadness he carried with him was one she had never expected to see from someone like him, but it made her realize in that moment how judgmental she had been.

Once night reached the outskirts of Manhattan, Serena made her way to the Waldorf residence. She had called Blair numerous times to see if she had found Chuck, but had only received her voicemail. Heading into her friend's bedroom, she saw her standing by the window staring out at the starry sky.

"Blair," she called out before moving to stand next to her. "Why haven't you returned any of my calls? What happened?"

"I got a text from Gossip Girl that he had gone to some café in Brooklyn," she began but continued to stare at the night sky. "When I got there, I saw him leaving with Vanessa."

"Vanessa?" Serena asked in surprise. "What was she doing there?"

"She lives in Brooklyn," Blair said simply.

"They left together?" Serena asked again. "I thought she hated him."

"Guess not," Blair said, smiling sadly.

Realizing where her mind was wandering, Serena turned Blair to face her.

"B, come on," she began. "You know nothing's going on. He probably had nowhere else to go with the way things are between you and him and Nate being MIA. She probably ran into him and offered her sofa or something. Chuck's in love with _you_, Blair, no one else."

"Why did I just stand there like an idiot?" Blair asked, finally snapping out of her daze. "I just stood there and watched him walk away with her and I felt angry and betrayed which is ridiculous because we're not even together. And then I hated myself for worrying about _me_ when he just had the rug pulled out from under him."

"So what are you going to do?" she asked as Blair sighed.

"I'm going to break up with Marcus tomorrow morning," she replied firmly. "And then I'll find Chuck."

"I'm glad. Surprisingly enough, you guys bring out the best and worst in each other," Serena said with a smile as Blair looked down.

"I take him for granted, don't I?" she asked softly.

"What do you mean?" Serena said, sitting next to her.

"Last year when we were sneaking around, I knew how strongly he felt for me but I toyed with his feelings and when he made his first mistake, I ditched him and went straight to Nate," she said in a quiet voice. "And this time he really did screw up by abandoning me but I've been hurting him with Marcus. I saw it in his eyes every time he saw us. I guess what I mean is that I wish I could take things back. I mean, he really did hurt me but then again, I hurt him too."

"You guys have been through a lot this year," Serena began. "And with everything that's happening to him now, he really needs you Blair."

"I know," Blair agreed. "I'm done with this game. I'm done keeping us apart."

"Good," Serena said softly. "So you're going to end things with Marcus and then tell Chuck you love him?"

"Tomorrow's Christmas Eve," Blair stated before smiling. "It'll be nice to tell him tomorrow."

Serena nodded and returned her smile as Blair sighed softly.

"I can't believe Bart's been blaming him all these years," she expressed. "I mean, I never knew how bad things were between them. He's been pretty good at covering it all up."

"My mom's going to talk to Bart tonight when he gets home," Serena stated. "She's going to give him a piece of her mind or something."

"He doesn't deserve this," Blair said, tears forming in her eyes. "He must feel so alone all the time."

Serena, too, felt a pang of guilt deep down for not giving Chuck more of a chance, especially now that she knew how hard it had been for him.

"If you would have told me last year that I'd be crying over Chuck Bass, I would have laughed so hard," Blair said as Serena draped her arm around her friend's shoulder. "Now I can't imagine my life without him."

Before Serena was able to say anything else, Nate barged into the room.

"Ugh, what are _you_ doing here?" Blair asked, her bitchiness returning in full mode as she wiped her tears away.

"What's going on with Chuck?" Nate asked, ignoring her tone.

"Oh, I don't know. His father kicked him out of his home and his family, and stripped him of his inheritance and basically told him to go to hell," Blair said, rising to her feet.

"What?" Nate asked in surprise. "Why? What happened?"

"Dan got Chuck to open up the other night and tell him about his mom and how she died giving birth to him instead of a plane crash. His mentor ended up writing a story in today's Post," Serena explained, her heart sinking when she thought of her boyfriend.

"His mom died giving birth to him?" Nate asked, sounding even more surprised than before. "I never knew that."

"And does that actually surprise you?" Blair snapped, rising to her feet. "You're friendship has always been one-sided, Nate. He's been there for you through everything and had your back all these years. He gave your mother hundreds of thousands of dollars to help you out of the mess your father created so you could get away from that whore and stop worrying about your family."

"No, I told him not to give my mom any money," Nate began.

"Yeah, but he did it anyway," Serena said, causing Nate to look away. "Apparently, he's just been waiting for the cheque to clear, that's all."

"Oh man," Nate said, his eyes suddenly turning dark.

"You're his best friend and he'd do anything for you," Blair said. "Don't you think it's about time you stepped up and did the same for him?"

Nate stared at both girls for a long time before clearing his throat.

"Where is he?" he asked.

"He's with Vanessa, probably staying at her place," Serena said as Nate frowned.

"Vanessa?" he said, remembering his ex-girlfriend as his heart quietly ached for her. "I thought she hated him."

"I guess she felt sorry for him," Serena said, tossing a glance at Blair who had grown quiet.

Nodding, Nate turned and walked out of the room as Blair crossed her arms at her chest.

"Everything will be okay, right?" she asked as Serena moved to embrace her tightly.

"I promise," she said, but even Serena seemed skeptical.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Vanessa moved towards her door as the person continued knocking. Swinging it open, she was surprised to see Nate standing there staring at her.

"What do you want?" she asked, her tone sounding harsher than she had intended.

He found himself speechless at first, unable to form the words he desperately wanted to say and instead he cleared his throat.

"Is Chuck here?" he asked, remembering why he had come in the first place.

She stared at him for another moment before stepping aside so he could enter her apartment. Moving past her, Nate walked into the living room and found Chuck sleeping soundly on the couch with a blanket draped over him.

"Vanessa, thank you for taking care of him," Nate said as he moved towards his friend.

"Don't wake him up," she said as he faced her. "He's been through a lot today. Just let him sleep."

Nate felt a pang of jealousy at the concern he heard in her voice but he quickly brushed it aside.

"I guess I can come back in the morning then," he said, but made no effort to move.

Vanessa watched him for a long moment before silently giving in.

"Just stay here for the night," she said, pointing to the arm chair. "There's always room for one more."

"Thank you," he said sincerely as she turned to leave. "Vanessa!"

She turned back to face him and waited expectantly, but his apprehension crept back in his throat and he was unable to say what he had originally wanted.

"Goodnight," he said lamely.

Disappointed, she turned and walked back towards her bedroom, shutting the door quietly as Nate sighed in dismay.

"That was pathetic," Chuck's voice suddenly came from behind him as Nat whipped around to face his best friend.

"You're awake?" he asked in surprise as Chuck slowly sat up and threw the blanket off of him.

"You honestly think I would sleep tonight after everything that happened?" he asked as Nate looked away with guilt written all over his face. "Just tell the girl how you feel."

Nodding, Nate moved to sit next to him on the couch.

"I'm sorry, man, for everything," he finally said but Chuck remained silent and continued to stare at his feet. "I'm sorry about your mom and I'm sorry about your dad. You don't deserve this."

"Whatever," Chuck said but Nate turned so he was fully facing him.

"No, not whatever!" he exclaimed. "Bart's blamed you all these years for something that is in no way your fault. It's not your fault, Chuck, and it's your father's loss for refusing to see that."

Chuck rose to his feet and walked behind the arm chair before turning around, his hands stuffed into his pockets.

"He kicked me out of the family," he said sadly as Nate also rose to his feet. "What the hell am I supposed to do? He cut me off of my inheritance and basically told me I was dead to him."

"Come home with me," Nate said simply, walking towards him and placing his hand on his friend's shoulder. "Look, I know I've been a shitty friend and that I haven't really been there for you but I want you to know I'm sorry. I really am."

"Whatever," Chuck said again, shaking the apology off.

"All these years that we've known one another, we've been best friends through everything. You're the one person I can trust no matter what and through everything with Serena and Blair and all the arguments we've had, we're still standing," Nate said as Chuck nodded. "You helped me most when I needed it and helped save my family. Now it's my turn."

With that, he leaned forward and embraced his friend tightly as Chuck laughed for the first time that day.

"Nathaniel, you know I love you, but we're standing in the middle of a dark apartment in Brooklyn and we're hugging," he said. "Get off me."

Laughing himself, Nate leaned away and playfully pushed Chuck back a couple steps.

"You can stop whoring yourself by the way," Chuck said as they both moved towards the couch and sat back down. "I got a call in the morning after everything with Bart and the money cleared."

"About that," Nate said, his voice turning serious. "Thank you."

"I told you once that there are three things in life that I care about: money, things I can buy with money and you," Chuck said before his face fell. "Only now I don't have any money and I therefore can't buy anything either."

"So I guess it's just me and Blair then," Nate said with a smile as Chuck groaned and leaned his head back on the couch. "What _is_ going on with Blair, anyway?"

"The day's been depressing enough," he said and closed his eyes, stretching his legs out on the coffee table in front of him and draping the blanket over his body.

"Can't I get some?" Nate whined, copying Chuck's position on the couch.

Smiling through closed eyes, Chuck tossed half of the blanket towards his friend as they both quickly fell asleep. Outside her bedroom, Vanessa slowly closed the door with a smile on her face.

Back in the Upper East Side of Manhattan, Blair kept tossing and turning in her bed, unable to fall asleep. Finally making up her mind, she tore her covers off and reached for her cell phone. She was about to call Marcus to end things with him when she realized that it would be best to do it in person. Glancing at her clock which read 11:20pm, she rose from her bed and quickly dressed in jeans and a white sweater, for once not caring about her appearance. Wearing an overcoat on top and grabbing her purse, she walked downstairs quietly and made her way outside.

Twenty minutes later, she found herself in front of Marcus' mansion in the Hamptons. The Duke was out of town on business and only Marcus, the Duchess, their housekeeper, chef and butler were on the grounds. Knocking on the door repeatedly, she waited for a couple minutes before it was answered by their butler.

"Ms. Waldorf, please come in," the old man said politely.

"Thank you Arnold," Blair said as she made her way inside. "I know it's late but I really need to talk to Marcus."

"Of course, Madam," Arnold said with a soft smile. "I believe he retired to his room not thirty minutes ago."

"Thank you," she said sweetly before making her way to the large staircase.

Walking upstairs, she stopped outside of Marcus' bedroom and quietly knocked on the door. When no response came, she twisted the doorknob and stepped inside.

"Marcus?" she called out, but there was no answer.

She suddenly heard a noise coming from down the hall and she quietly made her way towards the bedroom at the far end.

"Marcus?" she asked again, but all she heard was a shuffling noise.

Twisting the doorknob, she walked inside the dimly lit room and froze when she reached the bed. Before her eyes were Marcus and the Duchess tangled within the sheets.

"Oh my God!" Blair declared, a disgusted expression forming on her face.

The lights immediately switched on and Marcus and the Duchess pulled away from one another, both shocked that they had been caught in the act.

"Blair!" Marcus began and jumped to his feet.

Blair instantly shut her eyes as he quickly wore his robe and covered himself while the Duchess pulled the sheets around her body.

"Blair, what are you doing here?" Marcus asked, his cheeks flushed with humiliations.

"You're sleeping with your step-mom?" Blair asked in disgust. "That is sick!"

"Blair, please, I can explain," Marcus began and reached for her, but she took a giant step back and faced the older woman.

"So let me see, you're sleeping with Nate and all this time you've been doing the nasty with _him_ too?" Blair asked and scrunched her face. "That is just…ew!"

"Blair, please, we can talk about this," Marcus pleaded with her.

"I came over here because I was going to break up with you," she cut him off, her words catching him by surprise. "The only reason I _ever_ dated you was to make Chuck jealous, and it was working at first but now all we're doing is hurting one another. I'm tired of hurting him and hurting myself. I'm also done with this game and obviously not a moment too soon."

"So you're going to leave me for Bass?" Marcus asked, insulted by her gesture. "I'm a Lord."

"A Lord who's sleeping with his mother," Blair said before making another face. "The two of you are just…ew."

With that, she turned to leave when a sudden idea struck her. Turning around with her phone, she snapped a photo of the two of them in their compromising position as the Duchess sprang to her feet.

"Give that back," she demanded, but Blair merely placed the phone in her purse.

"You never know. I may need something from the two of you one day and this little photo is my guarantee," she expressed. "We'll start with you leaving Nate alone."

"I thought you said you wanted Chuck Bass. Why the interest in Nathaniel?" the Duchess asked, crossing her arms at her chest.

"Because Nate happens to be my ex-boyfriend and he also happens to be Chuck's best friend," Blair said before shaking her head and walking to the door.

Stopping, she spun around with a pitying look on her face.

"Oh, and Marcus?" she asked as he looked up at her guiltily. "You really _are_ boring."

With that, she stepped out of the bedroom and walked downstairs with a smile on her face. As she walked out of the house, she took a deep breath in anticipation of the next person she would be visiting tomorrow night.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

After Vanessa had finished dressing, she stepped out of her bedroom and walked towards the living room. The site she saw made her laugh quietly before a smile formed on her face. Chuck was lying on the couch in the same seated position as before but Nate was spread out over his lap, the side of his face on his friend's knees. Vanessa smiled at the closeness the two friends shared with one another, but couldn't help wanting to wake them up and see their reactions. Walking towards them, she leaned down and gently shook Chuck's shoulder.

"Hmm?" he asked groggily before opening his eyes and focusing on her face. "What?"

"Look down," she said and stepped back.

Her words had also woken Nate who blinked repeatedly and rubbed his eyes as Chuck lowered his face.

"What the hell?" he asked aloud before shoving Nate off of him. "Get off me, man!"

Nate was too sleepy to realize what was happening and before he knew it, he had landed on a heap on the floor as Vanessa laughed at the two boys.

"When did I say you could use my lap as a pillow?" Chuck asked, straightening the wrinkles in his shirt as Nate rose to his feet and dusted himself off.

"Sorry," he said, holding his hands up. "Besides, it's not like it's the first time."

"I thought we agreed to never mention that to another soul," Chuck began, the conversation intriguing Vanessa who sat on the arm of the couch and watched them.

"What?" she asked curiously. "Come on, you have to spill."

"No because there's nothing to spill," Chuck said but Nate continued smiling.

"When we were seven, we had both gotten into a scuttle with a few other kids in Central Park and we were filthy, covered with mud," Nate began as Chuck closed his eyes and fell back down on the couch, covering his face with his hands. "We had just been friends for a week and Chuck insisted we go to my home instead of his. When we got there, my mother almost fainted when she saw how dirty we were and she instructed our maid to put us in the tub and clean us up."

"You took a bath together?" Vanessa asked as Nate nodding.

"Yup, it was me, Chuck and my rubber ducky," he said as Vanessa burst into a fit of laughter.

"It's not funny," Chuck growled as both Vanessa and Nate continued laughing.

"Yeah it is," Nate managed to say once the laughter had died down.

"That is the cutest thing I have ever heard," Vanessa said before facing Chuck. "Why didn't you go to your home? Don't you live closer to Central Park?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to avoid my father. I didn't want to give him any more reason to hate me," Chuck said sadly, casting his eyes down as the room silenced. "Guess it didn't get me too far, did it?"

Realizing the tension that had suddenly entered the room, Vanessa tried changing the subject by rising to her feet.

"Well, I have to head down to work. You guys can hang here and have some breakfast if you want," she said but Nate faced her.

"Thanks, but we should get going," he replied.

"Okay, well, I guess I'll see you around," she said and moved towards the door.

"Hey, Vanessa?" Chuck called out to her as she spun around. "Thanks for last night. I know you had no reason to be as nice as you were to me, so thank you."

"I guess I saw a bit of humanity underneath your devil exterior," she said with a shrug, causing him to smile wryly as her eyes locked with Nate.

When he didn't say anything, she dropped her gaze and walked out.

"That was strike number two," Chuck said as he and Nate cleaned up where they had slept.

"Shut up," Nate grumbled before they eventually moved towards the door and left the apartment.

"Vanessa's one thing," Chuck said and faced Nate as they stepped into the elevator. "But if you _ever_ tell the rubber ducky story to Blair, I will murder you in your sleep."

His threatening words caused Nate to smile and he draped an arm over his friend's shoulders as they stepped out of the elevator and head towards the sidewalk outside.

"I've missed you, man," he said as Chuck looked away, rolled his eyes and flagged a cab down. "Who would have thought last year that you and I would both be broke, screwed over royally by our fathers and you'd be in love with Blair while I slept with a woman twice my age."

"Life's a bitch, isn't it?" Chuck asked sarcastically before opening the cab door and getting into the backseat as his friend followed him.

Once Nate had given directions to his hotel, Chuck turned his face outside the window and watched the nearly empty streets pass by as the driver head towards mainland Manhattan. Before long, they arrived at Nate's hotel and rode the elevator up to his suite. It was by no means the luxurious kind either of them were used to, but if they were both being honest, neither really cared.

"There you are Nate," his mother said, entering the living room before her eyes landed on Chuck. "Hello, Charles."

"Mom, Chuck's going to be staying with us for a while," Nate said, approaching his mother. "Last night…"

"I know," she said softly before turning to her son's friend. "And after how much you helped us, you can stay as long as you want."

"Thank you, Mrs. Archibald," Chuck replied as she smiled and walked back to her bedroom.

"So, what's the plan for today?" Nate asked, falling onto his couch.

After pondering his options for a moment, Chuck turned towards his friend.

"Actually, I need to go do something," he began. "I'll be back in a few hours."

"Does this involve Blair?" Nate asked, his voice teasing him.

"If I were you, I'd stop pissing _me_ off, get off my ass and end things with the Duchess," he said as Nate sprang to his feet, quieting him down. "That is unless you want to keep being a man-whore."

Giving him a dirty look, Nate walked back to the door as Chuck followed him into the hallway. When they reached downstairs, they both went their separate ways while a few blocks away, Serena ran upstairs the Waldorf home and into Blair's bedroom.

"Are you kidding me?" she asked breathlessly, plopping herself down on her friend's bed. "You caught them…in the act?"

"Last night," Blair replied. "My eyes have been forever traumatized."

"Oh my God, that's just…gross," Serena said with a disgusted expression on her face. "Strike that, it's sick."

"Took the words right out of my mouth," Blair said in agreement.

"Well, at least it's over now, right?" Serena said as Blair nodded. "Now you can go and tell Chuck that you _love_ him."

"Shut up," Blair said as both girls laughed. "When I think of everything that's happened this past year, it really amazes me; from you coming back, to all the fights that _we_ had, to my breakup with Nate and then me falling for Chuck, of all people. I tried denying it, you know. I acted like the idea disgusted and revolted me but the truth is far from it. I really do love him, Serena."

"I know you do, sweetie," Serena replied. "And you're going to tell him tonight. My mom's inviting everyone over for Christmas dinner. I think she doesn't want it to be awkward with just us so the more people the better. Chuck's invited too."

"Good," Blair said before getting to her feet and looking at herself in the mirror as a smile landed on her face. "Good."

Once evening hit the shores of Manhattan, everyone had begun getting ready for Lilly's dinner. When Nate walked out of his bedroom dressed in a navy blue suit, he saw Chuck entering the suite and sitting on the couch with a loud sigh.

"Hey, so Lilly invited us all over for Christmas dinner. My mom left an hour ago," he began as he walked towards his friend. "You're on the guest list too."

"Thanks, but I think I'll sit this one out," Chuck replied, getting to his feet and walking to the window.

"Com on, Chuck," Nate stated. "You have to come."

"Not with _him_ there," he replied without turning around.

"Look, I know things are really bad between you and your dad right now, but it's Christmas," Nate argued.

"Yeah, and I'd rather not ruin it for everyone there," Chuck said, looking back at his friend. "You go for the both of us."

"And leave you here by yourself on Christmas?" Nate asked in disbelief. "I'm not going to do that. If you don't come then I'm going to stay here with you."

"Thank you, Nathaniel, but with your dad gone, your mom needs you more right now then I do," Chuck said, cutting him off. "I've gotten pretty good at being by myself all these years so it's nothing special. Go."

Knowing he wouldn't change his mind, Nate walked up to him and placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Are you sure?" he asked as Chuck nodded and removed a jewelry box from his inner jacket pocket.

"Give this to Blair for me, okay?" he asked as Nate opened the box.

It was a silver chain with a small, diamond pendant on the end. The necklace was simple but beautiful at the same time.

"It belonged to my mother," he explained. "It's the only thing I have of her."

"Chuck, you should give this to Blair yourself," Nate expressed.

"Just do this for me, okay?" he said as Nate gave in with a sigh.

"Alright. Merry Christmas, man," he said sadly as Chuck smiled in return.

With that, he moved towards the door as Chuck turned his attention back to the world outside the window. Staring at his back for another moment, Nate finally looked away and walked out, quietly closing the door behind him.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

When Nate arrived at the Van der Bass home, he was greeted by Serena who anxiously met him at the elevator.

"Hey Nate," she said sweetly, giving him a small hug. "Merry Christmas."

"You too," he replied with a smile.

"Where's Chuck?" she asked as his face suddenly dropped.

"He chose to stay home," Nate replied. "He's staying with me now and he decided not to come."

"But why? _This_ is his home and he's part of this family," Serena began.

"He didn't want to cause a scene in front of everyone, Serena," he stated and walked inside as she followed him.

"Hey," Blair greeted him when they entered the living room. "Merry Christmas."

"You too, Blair," he said softly.

"So I hear you and the Duchess are over," she said as he nodded.

"Yeah, not exactly the best decision I've ever made," he began when he realized their expressions. "I meant hooking up with her in the first place, not ending things with her."

"Good," Blair said and glanced behind his back. "Where's Chuck?"

The reaction on his face made her smile disappear.

"He's not coming, is he?" she asked after a moment.

"He thought it would be better if he didn't," Nate explained.

"Better for who? Bart?" she spat out as he sighed.

"He didn't want to cause a scene," Nate offered once more.

"So he's going to spend Christmas Eve alone?" Blair asked sadly as Nate nodded.

"I'm sorry, Blair," he said and handed her the jewelry box. "He wanted me to give you this. It was his mother's."

With that, he moved towards his own mother as Serena stepped next to her friend. Blair slowly opened the box and both girls stared down at the necklace.

"It's beautiful," she began, tears forming in her eyes.

"Blair, do you know what this means? Him giving you his mother's necklace which is probably the only thing he has of her?" Serena asked as Blair looked up at her. "He's telling you that he loves you in his own way. And as far as he knows, you're still with Marcus but he's telling you anyway."

Blair let out a tearful laugh as Serena embraced her.

"Now it's your turn," Serena said as they leaned back.

"Nate?" Lilly asked, leaving Erik's side and approaching the boy. "Where's Charles?"

Her question caught everyone's attention and silenced the entire room.

"He decided not to come," Nate replied as Bart scoffed quietly.

"I'm sorry, but you're actually surprised?" Blair asked, moving towards the older man. "Mr. Bass, I have always held the highest respect for you but the way you treat your son is wrong."

"I believe this matter does not concern you," Bart said politely as Eleanor rose from her seat.

"It does concern me because I love him!" she blurted out.

"Blair?" Eleanor asked in surprise as her daughter faced her.

"I do," she confirmed, feeling relieved at finally saying it out loud.

Smiling, she turned back to Bart.

"How can you possibly blame him for his mother's death? He was a baby and instead of seeing it as the day you lost your wife, you should look at it as the day your son was born," she exclaimed.

"Blair…," Eleanor began, but she cut her off.

"No, I won't apologize," she stated firmly. "Your son deserves to be happy and to feel loved and if he lets me, I want to be the person who gives him that."

Bart watched her closely as she spoke passionately about his son.

"I always thought that I had it bad but despite the many problems with my family, I know my mom and dad love me. I know we may not always show one another in the best way, but the feelings are there," she said as Eleanor smiled warmly at her daughter. "All you've done is show Chuck how to drink and party and charm all the girls in New York and then you've berated him when he's done nothing but act exactly like you. He had to learn on his own what it means to care and love and forgive. Can you do the same, Mr. Bass?"

Bart quietly looked away, uncomfortable with all of the attention that was on him as Blair sighed.

"I really hope that you can because your son deserves it. Everyone has this fixed image of him in their minds but the truth is that he is so much more than that. He's by no means perfect and he can be hurtful when he means it and even when he doesn't. But underneath the exterior, he feels pain just like the rest of us," she said and showed him the necklace, one that Bart immediately recognized.

"Where did you get that?" he asked slowly.

"It's my Christmas present from Chuck. For him to give me his only reminder of his mother speaks volumes to me so again, I really hope that you can show your son that you care and if you can't, then it's _your_ loss," she finished before turning to Eleanor. "Mom…"

"Go," she said before embracing her daughter, the move catching Blair by surprise.

Leaning back, Blair smiled and moved towards Serena.

"Don't hate him forever," she said as Serena frowned in confusion. "Despite the fact that he's from Brooklyn, Dan's not _that_ bad."

Smiling, Serena nodded as Blair grabbed her coat, ran out of the suite and onto the elevator.

"Mom…," Serena began, walking towards her mother as Lilly smiled.

"Go make things right with Dan," she said as Serena embraced her mother and brother happily. "Merry Christmas, sweetheart."

"Merry Christmas," she repeated before heading towards the elevator where she ran into Nate. "Where are you going?"

"To make things right with Vanessa," he said as she nodded and they both stepped into the elevator.

In the suite, Erik, Lilly, Eleanor and Nate's mother all sat down in the family room as Bart stood by the window in his study upstairs, the guilt showing on his face.

"Well, looks like it's just us," Lilly said as the other woman laughed. "Erik, did you want to go too?"

"Nah, I think I'll stay here with you guys," he said as Lilly placed her arm around her son's shoulders and embraced him.

Outside, Blair, Nate and Serena all stepped into separate cabs, heading towards their own destinations. As the driver pulled onto the street, Blair stared at the necklace in her lap and smiled softly.

_If I should die before I wake  
It's cause you took my breath away  
Losing you is like living in a world with no air_

Back in the hotel suite, Chuck stepped out into the balcony and stared up at the night sky. The stars were shining brightly down at him as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, closed his eyes and sighed.

_I'm here alone didn't wanna leave  
My heart won't move, it's incomplete  
Wish there was a way that I could make you understand_

Inside her cab, Blair looked up at the stars as a smile slowly spread across her face. Although she was nervous about what would happen and thousands of thoughts flooded her mind, she pushed them away and focused on the very face of the person she was about to see.

_But how do you expect me  
To live alone with just me  
Because my world revolves around you it's so hard for me to breathe_

Bart walked down from his study and secretly stood in the doorway of the family room, staring at the scene before him as his wife and Erik interacted warmly with one another while the two other women looked on with hearty laughter. He felt a pang of jealousy in his heart when he saw how easy Lilly and Erik were around each other and it was in that moment that he finally realized how wrong he had been.

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air  
Can't live can't breathe with no air  
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there  
There's no air no air_

Putting the finishing touches on her hair, Vanessa was pulled out of her thoughts by gentle knocking coming from the hallway. Walking towards her door, she swung it open and was surprised to see Nate standing there.

"Twice in two nights," she began. "This has to be some sort of record."

"Can I come in?" he asked.

She stared at him for a long moment before stepping aside to let him enter.

"What's up?" she asked casually, turning to face him.

All Nate did was stare at her and the sudden attention she was receiving made Vanessa blush slightly.

_You have me out here in the water so deep  
Tell me how you gone breathe without me  
If you ain't here I just can't breathe  
There's no air no air_

"Nate?" she asked, getting his attention as he focused on her words and cleared her throat. "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to let you know that when you and I dated, I liked you. I really, really liked you," he began as she crossed her arms across her chest. "But summer came and we went our separate ways and I ended up sleeping with Catherine."

She looked away at the mention of her name and realizing the hurt that she felt, he stepped closer to her.

"But then I saw you again and I realized how badly I missed you," he said as she looked up into his eyes. "I never wanted Chuck to bail me out, like usual, especially now with everything that happened between him and Bart. But he did and I was able to end things with her. She and I are over, Vanessa."

Looking into his eyes helplessly, she shrugged her shoulders tiredly.

"So what do you want from me?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I want to make things right between us," he said, moving closer to her. "I missed you."

Vanessa gazed at him for a moment as she felt her guarded walls slowly crumbling around her.

"I missed you too," she said as he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

It took them a moment to remember the familiar feeling and their kiss quickly deepened.

_I walked I ran I jumped I flew  
Right off the ground to float to you  
There's no gravity to hold me down for real_

Serena stepped out of her cab and walked towards the Humphrey apartment nervously. Heading towards the door, she took a deep breath before knocking.

_But somehow I'm still alive inside  
You took my breath but I survived  
I don't know how but I don't even care_

Rufus was the one who opened the door and he greeted her with a knowing smile.

"Hey Serena," he said before pointing behind him. "Dan's inside."

"Thanks," she said, moving towards the kitchen.

"Hey Serena," Jenny said with a smile as Dan suddenly looked up from his depressed seat at the kitchen counter.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" he asked, getting to his feet.

"Jenny, let's go look for some more Christmas decorations," Rufus said, guiding his daughter into the other room to allow them some privacy.

"What…?" Dan began again, but he was cut off by Serena who pressed her lips onto his.

He was surprised at first but it took him a few seconds to recover. Before their kiss deepened any further, Serena pulled back but remained in his embrace.

"I love you," she said as a smile appeared on his face. "I hate it when we fight."

"So do I," he agreed. "I love you too and I'm sorry about everything with Chuck."

"I know," she said and kissed him lightly before burying herself in his welcoming arms.

Holding her tightly against his body, Dan smiled and closed his eyes, burying his own face into the crook of her neck.

_So how do you expect me  
To live alone with just me  
Cause my world revolves around you it's so hard for me to breathe_

Chuck continued staring up at the night sky before he lowered his face and exhaled quietly. Turning around, he stepped back into the room and stopped cold when he saw Blair standing there, panting lightly.

"Blair…," he began before his eyes landed on the necklace she wore around her neck. "You got it."

She continued to stare at him in silence as he took a tentative step towards her.

"I know we haven't had the best of times lately, but I just wanted you to have…," he began, but she cut him off.

"Chuck," she said as he gazed into her eyes with his own sad ones. "I love you."

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air  
Can't live can't breathe with no air  
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there  
There's no air no air_

"What?" he asked in surprise after a moment as she took a deep breath and closed the distance between them.

"I love you," she repeated, her voice full of sincerity and affection.

She had never felt more vulnerable than in that moment when he gazed at her in silence, his expression completely unreadable. When she started feeling nervous and looked down, he immediately lifted her chin and pulled her towards him, crushing his lips against hers in a heated kiss.

_You have me out here in the water so deep  
Tell me how you gone breathe without me  
If you ain't here I just can't breathe  
There's no air no air_

When they pulled back, he held the sides of her face and buried his fingertips in her hair. Closing his eyes, he leaned his forehead against hers as they both breathed heavily, not wanting the moment to end.

"I love you too," he finally whispered as they leaned back and gazed at one another.

Her eyes and jaw widened happily and she pressed her lips against his, wanting nothing more than to feel closer to him.

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air  
Can't live can't breathe with no air  
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there  
There's no air no air_

_You have me out here in the water so deep  
Tell me how you gone breathe without me  
If you ain't here I just can't breathe  
There's no air no air_

"Chuck," she began, pulling away as they locked eyes once more. "I'm sorry about your mom and about your dad."

He came to turn away but she forced him to look at her.

"Don't shut me out," she pleaded with him, memories of Nate flooding her mind.

"He kicked me out and told me I'm no longer part of the family. What is there to talk about?" he began and moved towards the guestroom.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he sighed as she sat down next to him.

"I think Lilly and I may have gotten through to him," she said as he faced her. "She spoke to him last night and I gave him a piece of my mind before coming here."

He let out a small laugh at her words as she frowned playfully at him.

"Hell hath no fury like Blair Waldorf scorned, right?" he said as she smiled.

"I thought it was 'hell hath no fury like Chuck Bass scorned'," she corrected as they locked eyes once more.

She then slipped her fingers into his and brought their joined hands onto her lap.

"We're two sides of the same coin, right?" she said.

Smiling faintly, he leaned in and kissed her in a way she had never been kissed before. It was so soft and gentle that Blair felt as if she were floating.

_So how do you expect me  
To live alone with just me  
Cause my world revolves around you it's so hard for me to breathe_

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air  
Can't live can't breathe with no air  
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there  
There's no air no air_

Leaning back, he pulled her with him onto the bed before pinning her body beneath his. She ran her fingernails down his back before burying them in his hair as he deepened the kiss. The heat that radiated from their bodies was both unmistakable and undeniable. She moaned quietly into his mouth as his tongue gently caressed hers in a torturous way. His kisses were intoxicating to her and she desperately ached for his touch. Locking her arms around his neck, she brought him even closer to her.

_You have me out here in the water so deep  
Tell me how you gone breathe without me  
If you ain't here I just can't breathe  
There's no air no air_

They leaned back for a breathless moment to gaze at one another before he closed the distance between them once more.

~ The song is No Air by Jordan Sparks & Chris Brown ~__


	11. Chapter 11

Outside the city was dark and cold, but inside the shimmering candles brought warmth to the room. Chuck lied on his back with Blair on top of him as they kissed one another tenderly. Her hands were on his face while his had enveloped her in a strong embrace. Leaning back to catch his breath, he pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"I missed you this summer," he suddenly said as their eyes locked. "I was scared because of how deeply I felt about you and I ended up hurting us both, but mostly you."

"It's in the past now," she said but he continued.

"Every time I saw you with him, I felt sick to my stomach. It killed me whenever I saw him hold you or kiss you," he said sadly, looking at her necklace. "I know I deserved it, but it hurt all the same."

"But we've forgiven each other," she said tentatively. "Right?"

Pulling her face down to his, he kissed her softly. "I'm sorry for hurting you."

She gazed down at him for a moment, realizing that his words were both sincere and genuine.

"I'm sorry for hurting you too," she whispered as he tightened his grip on her body and pressed his forehead against hers.

They simply lied there in each other's embrace with their eyes closed, enjoying the closeness that they were sharing. After a few minutes, Chuck leaned back and gazed into her eyes.

"You know what? There's something I need to go do," he began as she frowned.

"What's so important?" she said and smiled. "You've already told me you love me."

He grinned at her words as she leaned her face down to his and kissed him seductively.

"Mmm, as much I want to stay here and finish this, there really is something I have to go do," he exclaimed. "Give me an hour?"

"Okay," she said quietly and rolled off of his body.

The moment she moved away, he felt the coldness her body left in its trail and instantly regretted it. Instead of getting to his feet, he covered his body with hers as she laughed.

"I thought you were going," she said, in-between kisses.

"I am," he mumbled before capturing her lips with his.

"Just think of it this way. The sooner you leave, the sooner you can come back and we can continue this," she said with a suggestive smile as he groaned quietly into her neck, the noise sending a chill down her spine as she wrapped her arms around his body and ran her fingers through his hair.

"I'll be back soon" he said and slowly climbed off of her.

Before he was fully off, she grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop and face her.

"I love you," she said softly.

He simply stared at her with a small smile as she laughed quietly.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. "It just really feels good hearing you say that...finally."

Blair's smile softened as he tore his eyes away and walked out of the suite. Smiling contently, Blair pulled the covers to her waist and let out a happy sigh before grabbing her cell phone and dialing Serena.

"Hey," her friend greeted her happily.

"Hey," she replied. "Did you make up with Dan?"

"Yeah, we're good," Serena replied with a smile. "I'm actually back home right now. I thought it would be nice to spend Christmas with the family, but we're good."

"Any word on Nate?" Blair asked.

"Yeah, he and Vanessa patched things up but she wants to take it slow," Serena said impatiently. "So are you going to keep torturing me all night or are you going to tell me what happened with you and Chuck?"

"Everything happened," Blair said with a smile as she leaned back in bed and began going over all of the details of the night.

Once Chuck had reached his home, he paid the cab driver and stepped out of the vehicle. After the cab had driven off, Chuck was surprised to see his father standing on the opposite side of the road.

"Charles," Bart began, his appearance looking somewhat worn out and disheveled. "I was just on my way to see you."

Chuck simply stood on his side of the street and stared at his father in silence. It was past midnight and other than the occasional car, the area was nearly empty.

"Chuck…," Bart began, but his son held his hand up.

"I came here to say something so I'm going to say it and then leave," he started and cleared his throat. "I'm not going to lie and say that I've had the worst possible life in the world because I haven't. I've had all the money to do whatever I wanted and for a while, that was enough. But there gets a point that you always get back to, a void that you have within yourself that no amount of money will fix. That void exists because of you."

Bart looked down at his feet in guilt but continued to listen to his son.

"I never expected you to tell me you loved me everyday," Chuck continued. "But it would have been nice if you would have shown it at least once. But you never did. You've blamed me all these years for something that I refuse to be blamed for. Mom is dead and I get that. She died giving birth to me and I get that too, but nothing I say or do will bring her back. At least you got to know her for a time. The only parent I have ever known is you and you've been anything but a parent to me."

"Chuck…," Bart began, but he cut him off.

"I never even got to meet her. I never had a mother or a father," he exclaimed, his voice revealing how upset he really was. "I told you earlier that I wished it was you who had died instead of my mother but I was lying. The truth is that sometimes I wish _I_ had died instead of her that day and the fact that you've made me think that way all these years is the reason why I hate you. I hate you for that and I'll never forgive you for it."

Bart stared at his son as tears began forming in his eyes. He was not a man who showed his emotions but seeing how much he had hurt his only son tore away at his very core.

"I hate you, father," Chuck repeated and shook his head. "And what's funny is that I love you all the same. Like I said, you're the only parent I've ever known but you kicked me out. You practically told me I was dead to you and kicked me out of my home."

"I was just upset…," Bart began lamely.

"Yeah, well, now _I'm _upset," Chuck cut him off and sighed. "I finally have someone in my life that cares about me and I'm going to do everything I can to stop myself from becoming a cold son of a bitch like you."

"Chuck, I…," Bart tried, but he couldn't find the right words to say.

"The difference between us is that I _can_ forgive," he said and smiled wryly. "But I'll never forget. You were right about one thing tonight. We _are_ done."

With that, he turned to leave as Bart watched his son go.

"No, Chuck, wait!" he exclaimed and stepped out onto the street.

As Chuck turned back around, he let out another sigh.

"There's nothing more to say," he said.

"Chuck, please, I…," Bart began and stepped into the middle of the road.

What happened next was something neither of them could have seen coming. The second Bart stepped into the street, the driver of a car who had been plowing down the road screeched on his breaks but it was too late. As Chuck stood frozen and watched the scene before him, the vehicle made sudden contact with Bart's body, tossing the man up onto the hood of the car before he landed in a heap on the ground. Chuck had been standing so close to Bart when it had happened that the blood which appeared from the contact sprinkled onto his shirt and face. As the driver came to a stop and ran out of his car, Chuck stood completely frozen in his spot, his eyes wide from the shock as an unconscious and hurt Bart lied on the cold ground.

"Oh man, he just showed up out of nowhere!" the middle-aged man exclaimed, crouching in front of Bart. "Are you with him?"

The words pulled Chuck out of his daze and he quickly rushed over to his father as the Condominium Manager and Receptionist ran out towards them.

"Mr. Bass?" the Manager asked in worry as Chuck gently pushed his father onto his back.

"Bart," he whispered quietly before facing the man. "Call 911! Hurry!"

The man quickly ran back into the lobby as Chuck stared down at his father once more, holding the older man's head in his hands.

"Bart, come on," he whispered as the driver who had hit him watched the scene with tearful eyes.

"I'm so sorry," he continued repeating, his words nothing more than an echo in Chuck's ears.

"Dad," Chuck finally said, his throat choking on the single word as his father slowly opened his eyes

His face had been scratched from landing on the rough land and his hands and wrists were also bruised with blood covering the ground beneath him.

"Chuck?" Bart said with a cough.

"That's it, dad, just stay with me," Chuck said, trying his hardest to keep his composure.

Seeing the blood on his son's face, Bart raised his hand to Chuck's cheek.

"Are you hurt?" he asked quietly.

"It's not mine," Chuck replied in a whisper. "Don't say anything else. The paramedics will be here any minute."

"Chuck," Bart said, cutting his son off. "I'm so sorry for everything. I'm so sorry for how I've treated you all your life. You deserved so much more than what I've given you."

"Dad, you don't have to say anything right now. The paramedics will be here. You need to save your strength," Chuck pleaded with him as the Manager, who had returned, the receptionist and the driver all looked on.

"Chuck," Bart said, coughing roughly. "I'm so sorry. How can I ever make things right with you? I know that you hate me…"

"Dad, please, just save your strength," Chuck said as tears began forming in his eyes and he looked up at the three men. "Where the hell are the medics?"

A small crowd of people had begun gathering around them just as the sirens of the ambulance made its way to their ears. As the ambulance pulled directly next to them, a young male and female jumped out and rushed towards them.

"Everyone step back please," the female said before crouching down next to Bart. "Sir, I need you to step back."

"He's my father," Chuck said as the girl glanced up at him worriedly, noticing the blood. "It's not mine. Please, you have to save him."

"We'll try out best, but you need to give us some room to work," she said.

With that, he crawled a couple steps backwards on the ground and simply watched the scene before him in shock. The paramedics were speaking to one another and checking Bart's wounds, but none of the words were registering in Chuck's mind. All he could do was stare at the man he had loved and hated equally all these years. Just as they lifted Bart onto the gurney, he turned towards his son with tears in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered quietly. "I know you hate me, Chuck. I'm so sorry."

"Sir, I need to put this mask on now," the female said and placed an oxygen mask over his mouth.

When they pushed him into the back of the ambulance, Chuck scrambled to his feet and rushed in with the female as the male paramedic closed the doors and jumped in the front seat. With the siren blasting above them, he pulled out onto the street as Chuck sat next to his father's side. While she hooked him up to a few machines, Bart reached down and grabbed his son's hand in his. As the paramedic watched sadly, Chuck closed his eyes and tears streamed down his cheeks while Bart stared up at him silently through his mask.

Within seven minutes, they arrived at the hospital and the paramedics rushed him towards the hospital doors where an ER Attending was waiting. As they exchanged Bart's vitals, Chuck rushed in after them. Once they wheeled him into one of the ER rooms, one of the doctors held Chuck back.

"I'm sorry, son, but you have to wait outside," the man said.

"He's my father!" Chuck snapped at the doctor, but the female paramedic pulled him back.

"Listen, you need to give them room to work on your father, okay?" she said as he sighed and stepped out of the room.

Running his blood-stained hands through his hair, Chuck sighed as he watched through the window of the revolving door as a group of doctors and nurses worked on his father. The paramedics left his side and moved towards the nurse's station to begin filling out their paperwork.

"That's so sad," the female said as one of the nurses looked up at her. "The man got hit by the car right in front of his son."

Both paramedics and the nurse turned to stare at Chuck's back as he waited helplessly outside the ER room. Inside, the doctors tried their best to stabilize him just as an O.R surgeon walked into the room from a side door.

"What do we have?" the new man asked.

"Male, mid-forties, hit by a car," the ER Attending began to explain. "He has fractures to his right arm, left leg and hip. Possible internal bleeding and a concussion."

The Surgeon looked at Bart's chart before feeling for his lungs.

"Heart rate's dropping!" one of the nurses exclaimed.

"Okay, we need to get this man into the O.R," the surgeon exclaimed as they locked his gurney and began moving him towards the doors.

"What's happening?" Chuck asked worriedly.

"Are you his son?" the surgeon asked as Chuck ran beside them towards the elevators.

"Yeah, what's happening?" he repeated.

"Your father needs immediate surgery. He has a few fractures, but we're mostly worried about the damage to his lungs. They appear to have been severely punctured by the hit," the surgeon replied as they stepped out of the elevator on the third floor of the hospital and rushed towards one of the O.R rooms. "Listen, I need you to wait here, alright? Someone will come and get you if anything changes."

Chuck stood there helplessly as he watched the doctors roll his unconscious father away from him. He stood there for what seemed like hours, but was only mere minutes before falling down in one of the waiting room seats on his left. Leaning his elbows on his knees, he buried his face in his hands and exhaled heavily. After a few minutes, he rose to his feet and walked over to the nurse's station a few feet away.

"Hi honey," the old woman began in her thick, Southern accent.

"Is there any news on my father?" he asked, his voice sounding tired.

"It's too soon, honey," she said as Chuck nodded and let out a sigh. "There's a bathroom down the hall if you want to wash up."

Chuck slowly shook his head and rubbed his worn out eyes as the old woman watched him in sympathy.

"Is there anyone you wanted to call?" she asked as he faced her.

"Yeah, can I?" he said and she smiled softly before handing him the phone.

"Just press one before you dial," she said and moved to her computer to give him some privacy.

Picking up the receiver, he took a deep breath before dialing the first number that came to mind. When there was no answer on Nate's cell phone, he waited to leave a message on the voicemail.

"Hey, man, it's me," Chuck began and sniffed into the phone. "When you get this, can you please…can you come to the hospital?"

He began tearing up into the phone and rested his forehead in his palm as he spoke.

"Bart was hit by a car and we're at the hospital...I don't know if he…," he said before shutting his eyes. "Just come…please."

With that, he placed the phone down and walked back to his chair. Sinking in his seat, he leaned his head to the back of the uncomfortable chair and stared up at the ceiling in silence as the nurse watched him sadly from afar.

Back in Brooklyn, Vanessa and Nate had spent most of the night talking with one another. She had wanted to slow things down between them so they could get to know one another better and he had agreed to it. When his phone rang, he ignored it and they continued talking. However, when his phone sounded that a message had been left, he leaned down and checked the call.

"It's from Chuck," he said with a frown. "I should check it."

"Go ahead," she said with a soft smile.

Dialing his voicemail, he entered his password and waited as his friend's message began. Nate's face went from a frown to wide-eyed surprise as Vanessa sat up in her seat, realizing his sudden change in expression.

"Oh my God," he said before lowering his phone.

"What's wrong?" she asked with a frown.

"Bart's been hit by a car," Nate explained and looked up. "Chuck's at the hospital right now."

"Is he alright?" she asked.

"I don't know," Nate said and jumped to his feet. "I need to go to the hospital."

"I'll come with you," she offered and got to her feet as well.

"No, can you actually please go and tell Lilly and Serena. They're phone been out all day because of some renovation or something," Nate said and she nodded. "I'm going to go to the hospital."

"What about Blair?" she asked as they rushed to the door.

"She's not answering her phone," Nate said and hung up his own cell phone as they rushed onto the sidewalk.

As Vanessa got into her classic, 1970's car, Nate quickly hailed a cab and they went their separate ways. She surprised herself by arriving at the Upper East Side in only eleven minutes and when she reached the Van Der Bass home, she rushed into the lobby as the Manger from before ran after her.

"Miss, may I help you?" he asked.

"Does Lilly Van Der Woodson know about her husband?" Vanessa asked, pressing the elevator button repeatedly.

"Oh my God, I didn't even think…," the man began as Vanessa shook her head and ran into the elevator.

"Which suite?" she asked, as he stepped into the elevator behind her.

"The penthouse," he replied as the doors closed.

A few moments later, they arrived at the penthouse and Vanessa rushed into their home.

"Hey," Serena said with a frown when she ran into the family room.

Both Erik and Lilly glanced up at her from the couch as she sighed softly. Once Nate reached the hospital, he rushed through the ER doors and stopped at the nurse's station.

"Can you tell me where Bart Bass is? My friend came in with him tonight," Nate said as the nurse looked through her file.

"Third floor, O.R," she replied as he ran towards the elevators.

When he got off on the third floor, he looked around himself until his eyes landed on Chuck, who had leaned forward in his seat with his face buried in his hands. He watched his friend in sadness for a minute before his legs finally pushed him forward. Sitting down next to him quietly, Nate let out a sigh.

"Hey," he said as Chuck looked up at him with red eyes.

Nate took the moment to take in his friend's appearance and he saw the stains of blood on his face, hands and clothes.

"Any word?" he asked as Chuck shook his head, rubbed his eyes and leaned back in his seat.

"Did you get a hold of Lilly?" he asked, looking down.

"I had Vanessa go and get them. They should be here soon," Nate replied.

"What about Blair?" Chuck asked quietly.

"I tried her a few times, but there was no answer. I left a message," he said as Chuck nodded. "Chuck, what happened?"

He remained silent for a couple minutes and Nate decided not to push his friend further on the issue.

"I went to visit Bart tonight to let him know how I felt. I told him I hated him and that I'd never forget," he finally explained and laughed softly as Nate faced him. "He was coming after me when he stepped into the street and this car just came out of nowhere. It happened in front of me and I just stood there, frozen. I couldn't even move."

"I'm so sorry, man," Nate said and placed his hand on his friend's shoulder.

"The last thing I told him was that I hated him," Chuck whispered as Nate sighed.

"He knows you were hurting, Chuck. He'll get through surgery and then you guys can make things right between you," Nate assured him, but neither believed his words.

As Blair opened her eyes and stretched, she stared at the clock which read 2:15am. Leaning up on her elbow, she glanced around the room and noticed that Chuck hadn't returned yet. Sighing, she pulled the covers off of her and reached for her cell phone. Seeing six missed calls and two messages, a worried frown reached her face as she dialed her voicemail. When she heard Nate's message, her heart nearly broke in half. She sat frozen for a moment, shocked by what she had heard before she sprang to her feet, wore her shoes and coat, grabbed her purse and ran out of the suite. Once she reached the lobby, she ran outside the doors and ran into Serena who was coming to get her.

"Serena?" she asked shakily.

"Let's go," she said and they rushed into the awaiting cab where Lilly and Erik were already seated.

As the driver pulled onto the street, Lilly stared out of her window in the front passenger seat with tears forming in her eyes. In the back, Blair faced Serena who simply shook her head worriedly. When they reached the hospital ten minutes later, they were guided to the third floor where they got off the elevator and froze when they saw Chuck sitting on the cold floor with Nate next to him. He had gotten up from his seat, but his legs had gone as far as the wall opposite him and he had sunken down to his feet, staring out into thin air. His knees were pointing up and his arms were placed over them. Blair gazed at the boy she loved and her heart broke into pieces. The blood on his body and clothes as well as his broken appearance tore her apart.

"Charles?" Lilly said as she rushed towards the two boys.

Both he and Nate looked up at her as she kneeled in front of her step-son.

"He's in surgery," Chuck managed to say. "No one has any news yet."

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Lilly reached out and touched Chuck's hand to comfort the boy. When he appeared unresponsive to her touch, Lilly rose to her feet and placed a gentle kiss on his head before moving to the seats across from them. Both Serena and Blair stared at him sadly before Blair took a deep breath and walked towards him. When Nate saw her coming, he rose to his feet and sat next to Serena and Erik on the seats beside Lilly.

"Hey," Blair began quietly as she sat down on the cold floor next to him.

When he continued to look the opposite way, she placed one of her hands on his and the other on the side of his face.

"Chuck," she whispered his name and he finally looked at her.

The sadness in his eyes was unmistakable as tears began rolling down his cheeks. As her heart broke for the third time that night, she pulled his head onto her shoulder and held him in her arms. Lilly watched the scene before her and it added to her sadness and tears. She had grown to care for Bart's son over the months and it pained her to see him in such pain. Even though Bart was her husband and she loved him, she had only known him for a few months whereas Chuck had been with his father all his life. After a few minutes, he leaned his head back up and wiped his tears away, uncomfortable with how vulnerable he was at the moment.

"I went to tell him how I felt, you know," he began as everyone listened to him.

Serena held her mother's hand in comfort and the older woman smiled gratefully at her daughter.

"I was going to go upstairs but he was already outside. I told him that I hated him and that I'd never forget all the crap he'd put me through," he said and scoffed. "This car just came out of nowhere. I was turning to leave when he jumped into the street after me and the car just hit him…right in front of me."

Blair caressed his cheek with the back if her hand as he shook his head.

"Last thing I told him was that I hated him," he said and laughed. "So I killed my mother and I guess, now my father too."

"Chuck," Blair said, not wanting him to start blaming himself. "What happened to your father tonight was an accident. And besides, he's still in surgery."

Just then, the O.R surgeon walked out of the room and removed his bloody scrubs before slowly walking towards them. Chuck and Lilly rushed to their feet and met the doctor midway as the others stood behind them.

"How is he?" Chuck asked, wiping his eyes. "Is he alright?"

"Is my husband okay?" Lilly added as the doctor switched his gaze between the two and eventually let out a sigh.

"I'm very sorry to have to tell you this," he began as Chuck took a couple steps back.

"No," he said, shaking his head as the doctor looked at him sadly.

"He had too much internal damage. His lungs and his kidneys just couldn't hold on," he explained. "We tried our best, but he also suffered a heart attack on the table. I'm sorry, but we were unable to revive him."

"Oh God," Lilly said, clasping her hand over her mouth and sinking onto one of the seats as Serena and Erik rushed to comfort her.

"No," Chuck said once more, moving away.

Both Blair and Nate stared at him sadly as tears began streaming down Blair's cheeks.

"He can't be dead," Chuck said in denial. "Zap him again."

"Son…," the doctor began.

"No, I refuse to believe that he's dead. Zap him again!" he snapped.

"Son, his hart stopped beating twenty minutes ago," the doctor exclaimed, his words very final. "He's gone."

Serena clasped her hand over her mouth as the doctor apologized once more and left them to grieve.

"No, he…," Chuck began and moved to the opposite wall as Blair moved to his side.

"Chuck," she began and reached out for him, but he yanked his arm out of her grasp and stepped away.

"Don't," he warned her, but she refused to listen to him.

She reached out again and managed to pull him into an embrace, but he struggled out of her grip and moved away from her.

"Chuck…," she cried out his name, but he moved a few feet away and faced the empty wall.

As they all watched him in silence, he banged his fists lightly into the wall before his pounding turned more violent. Blair ran to his side and pulled him away from the concrete wall, forcing him to look at her as she held the sides of his face in her hands. Refusing to make eye contact, he shut his eyes and helplessly sank to the cold floor. As tears continued streaming down her cheeks, Blair sat next to him and tentatively pulled him into her arms. When he made no effort to move away, she cradled him in her arms as he buried his face in her neck and began crying. Unsure of how else to help the broken boy in her arms, all Blair could do was hold him as he cried, the sound of his pain echoing through the quiet hallway.


	12. Chapter 12

Hey guys, I wrote this chapter last night amidst all the assignments I have due and all my upcoming tests. I hope it's a good chapter and I'm sorry if it's not LOL :)

Chapter 12

The rest of the day seemed like a blur to Chuck. Serena and Erik had already accompanied their mother back to the Bass residence while Chuck stayed behind to sign his father's body out at the morgue. Once they were finished with the paperwork, Chuck, Blair and Nate all head outside where the Bass limousine had returned for them. Getting inside, Chuck leaned his head back against the leather seat and let out a deep breath. Blair sat on his right while Nate sat across from them.

"Hey," she began, but he made no effort to acknowledge her.

Moving closer to him, Blair leaned down and interlocked her fingers with his.

"Chuck," she whispered again, but he pulled his hand out of hers and faced the window, his move causing Blair to look away sadly.

The rest of the ride was made in silence, with no noise other than their quiet breathing. Once they reached the Bass residence, Chuck stepped out of the limousine and began heading inside the lobby. It was morning and the sun had already risen into the sky as the Manager looked up just in time to see them enter.

"Mr. Bass!" he exclaimed and ran towards the trio. "I didn't get a chance to speak with Mrs. Bass. Is your father alright?"

Chuck turned to the man with an empty stare in his eyes before heading towards the elevator, not uttering a single word.

"Chuck!" Blair expressed and ran after him as Nate shook his head at the older man.

"He's dead," was all he could manage to say before following his friends into the elevator.

When they reached the penthouse floor and the doors opened, Chuck took a deep breath and walked into the suite. He saw Serena sitting on the sofa with a small blanket covering her arms and legs, but no one else was in sight.

"Where's Lilly?" he asked, approaching her with the others as she looked up at him.

"She's sleeping upstairs. Erik's with her," she replied, sitting up as Nate sat down next to her.

She took a moment to glance over her step-brother's appearance. He had blood stains on his shirt and jacket and he looked tired and defeated.

"Chuck?" she began, her eyes tearing up as he looked up at her.

When she saw the sadness in his eyes, her mouth became dry and she was unable to say what she had intended. Taking her cue, Blair moved towards him and reached for his hand once more, but again he took a step away from her and walked towards the window. Running his hands through his hair, he rubbed his tired eyes as the three of them watched him silently.

"Chuck," Blair began, taking a step towards him.

When he didn't face her, she let out a frustrated sigh.

"Chuck!" she exclaimed and this time she got a response.

"I'm fine!" he suddenly snapped at her, his rage catching her by surprise. "Stop asking me if I'm okay! I'm fine!"

"Man, your father died a few hours ago. You…," Nate began, rising to his feet.

"I'm fine!" he snapped once more before exhaling heavily. "Bart and I never had that good of a relationship anyway so it's not that big of a loss."

"He was your father," Blair exclaimed but he cut her off.

"That's right. He was _my _father," he stated and faced Serena. "You and Erik only knew him for a few months. Lilly was married to him for just as short a time. _I_ knew him all my life, not you. I knew him for the cold-hearted son of a bitch he really was, not the caring family man he showed the rest of you."

With that, he looked around the room slowly.

"I need a drink," he said and moved towards the alcohol stand.

Instead of pouring some of the scotch in a glass, he simply removed the lid and began gulping down the alcohol from the bottle.

"Despite the differences you had and the problems between the two of you, he was _still_ your father," Blair attempted.

"Let's make a toast to my father, then," he said and held the bottle up.

Unbeknownst to him, Lilly was awakened by the shouting and was standing at the foot of the stairs with red, puffy eyes, watching them in silence.

"Here's to daddy dearest," Chuck began and laughed. "Here's to all the warm and fuzzy moments we shared all these years and all the times he told me he loved me and was proud of me. Here's to all the stories he'd tell me about my mom and all the memories they had together. And finally, here's to Bart Bass, the best man I ever knew."

Chuck couldn't help but laugh at his own words before taking a big swig of his drink as everyone watched him quietly. Blair wrapped her arms around her body and cried silently as she watched the boy she loved break down in front of her.

"In reality though, he never told me he loved me and only ever said he was disappointed. He told me over and over again how much he despised the very fact that I was alive because it was a reminder that my precious mother had died instead of me," he explained and took another gulp. "And do you know what's funny? Tonight he apologized. On his deathbed, the son of a bitch said he was sorry and then he never gave me a chance to accept his apology. I guess he got the last word in the end, like always, so here's to you, father. You win."

"This isn't about winning!" Blair exclaimed, walking up to him and grabbing the sides of his face. "Your father was flawed. Anyone would grant you that. But he tried to make things right with you."

"Yeah, and the last thing I told him was that I hated him," Chuck said and shook his head.

"Your father made a lot of mistakes, Chuck, but he loved you. He wanted to make things right with you last night," she continued. "No one blames you for not forgiving him on the spot and you shouldn't blame yourself for it either. He hurt you so much all these years and forgiveness like that takes time."

He continued to gaze at her through sad eyes as she pressed on, feeling like she was finally getting through to him.

"What happened wasn't you fault," she said firmly, but her words made him pull away from her.

"Yes it is," he said and pulled away from her, taking another long drink.

Just then, his eyes caught site of Lilly and he immediately looked away as she made her way towards them, her hair messy and her appearance looking disheveled.

"Your father was a good man, Chuck. He was a good husband to me and a good father to Serena and Erik for the short while we had him," she said and sighed. "But he wasn't a good parent to you and for that I apologize. But I know he loved you and that he regretted not being a better father to you. I also know that what happened wasn't your fault."

"He jumped in the street because he was chasing after me. If I had just stayed there and listened to him…," he began, but his voice got caught in his throat at the end.

"It was an accident," she said and touched his cheek. "What happened last night was tragic, but it wasn't your fault."

Shaking her touch away, he sniffed and took another drink.

"I guess being blamed for shit all my life and believing I was always wrong casts doubt on your claim," he said and smiled sadly at her. "Don't you get it? He wins."

"Chuck, your father is dead," Lilly began but he shook his head.

"All my life he made me feel guilty for everything; for my mom, or a business deal not going through and whatever else. Don't you see, though? Even in death, he makes me feel guilty," Chuck began and laughed. "I'll always blame myself."

"But it wasn't you fault!" Blair exclaimed, grabbing the sides of his face so he was looking at her. "It was an accident, Chuck. A car hit Bart and that's what killed him, not you. Why can't you see that?"

"People put you down enough, you start to believe it," he said softly. "You start believing all the negative things they say about you, whether they're true or not. He blamed me so much for my mother's death that I ended up believing him and that's what made me hate him. And now he's dead because I wouldn't listen to him; because _I_ pulled away and _I_ made him chase me. Spin the story any way you want. In the end, I'm the one he was chasing when he jumped into the street."

With a shrug, he moved away from her, placed the empty bottle on the counter and moved towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Blair asked desperately.

"I can't be here," he said and wiped his eyes. "This place was never my home. I always felt like an outsider here."

"This _is_ your home, Charles," Lilly said as he faced her.

"No it's not," he said sadly. "It's _your_ home, not mine. I never had one."

With that, he got into the elevator and was followed closely by Blair.

"I'm not leaving you by yourself," she said firmly.

Sighing, he grabbed her arm tightly and pulled her back into the suite.

"Leave me alone," he said slowly, enunciating every letter before getting back in the elevator.

Blair watched him helplessly as he closed his eyes just as the doors closed on him. With that, she sank onto the sofa next to Serena as Lilly rubbed her weary eyes. The four of them sat in silence, neither sure of what to do or say. Outside, Chuck made his way to the sidewalk and climbed into the first available cab. He got off at the nearest bar and moved his way towards the counter, sitting on one of the stools as the bartender turned towards him with a frown, having noticed his appearance.

"You alright kid?" he asked, but Chuck ignored his question.

"I'm Chuck Bass," he said, stating his name so the bartender wouldn't ask for any identification from him. "Give me a shot and keep them coming."

The bartender lingered for another moment before reaching for a bottle of whisky and setting it in front of him with an empty shot glass. As he moved to away to tend to another customer, Chuck crossed his arms on the counter and buried his chin on his hands, staring at the empty glass with a mixture of sadness and anger.

He had begun his journey of a downward spiral ever since he had become a teenager and had learned what alcohol, drugs and sex were. His non-existent relationship with his father and the fact that there was no other adult presence in his life fueled his darkness. Things tipped for the worst when his father kicked him out but Bart's death was the final nail in the coffin. He was going to blow, that much he was certain of. But no one, not even Chuck, knew how bad things were about to turn for him.


	13. Chapter 13

This chapter has some small spoilers from the end of episode 2x13, which was the best episode of Gossip Girl in my opinion :)

Chapter 13

Blair let out a deep breath as she stepped into her own home. She had left over ten voicemails for Chuck ever since he had walked out, but he had returned none of her calls. She had stayed with the Van der Bass clan for a few hours before her tiredness caused her to return home. Looking around the exquisite house, she wrapped her arms around her thin frame just as Dorota appeared.

"Dorota, I don't want to be disturbed for the rest of the night," she said, rubbing her tired eyes. "I'm going to bed and I don't want any visitors."

"But Miss Blair…," Dorota began in her accent.

"No one," Blair said more firmly as she began climbing the large staircase.

"But Miss Blair," Dorota said again as the young girl faced her. "Mister Chuck is upstairs in your room. He's waiting for you."

Blair's eyes widened at her words and she immediately rushed the rest of the way up the stairs as a smiling Dorota watched her go. She wasn't sure what to expect when she entered her room, but her heart broke into a million pieces when she finally saw him. He was sitting on her bed, staring into thin air with his jacket draped on her chair and his shirt slightly unbuttoned. He was oblivious to her presence, simply lost in his own thoughts until she gently closed the door.

"Chuck," Blair said in a soft voice.

Hearing her voice, he slowly turned towards her and she saw his red, tear-stained eyes. He looked defeated and torn as tears streamed down his cheeks. Seeing him so vulnerable made her heart sink and if she were being honest, it scared her to death. Chuck was not a person who let others in on his thoughts and he scarcely, if ever, showed his emotions. But the boy sitting in front of her wasn't the same boy who had teased her when they were younger, nor was he the same boy she devised plans with or fell in love with. The boy before her was a broken shell of who he used to be.

Unsure of what else to do, she tossed her purse aside and moved towards him. Sitting somewhat behind his limp figure, she pulled him into a warm embrace. He went into her arms without a fight and shivered at her first touch. With her left arm pulling him tightly against her chest, she ran her right hand through his messy hair, pulling the loose strands out of his face. His eyes slowly closed and his hand gradually moved up to her arm, clinging onto her as she placed a soft kiss on the nape of his neck. The tears continued to fall from his eyes and his sadness caused her own eyes to well up.

"Shh," she whispered in his ears, rocking him gently back and forth. "I'm here for you, baby."

Her use of the expression 'baby' surprised her for she was sure a proper woman like Grace Kelly never uttered such a word. But in that moment, she didn't care about etiquette or anything outside her bedroom. All she wanted was to hold him in her arms and take his pain away. They sat in the same position for what seemed like hours before Chuck removed himself from her embrace and turned to face her. As she gazed into his eyes, she saw darkness staring back at her. Before she was able to say anything, he leaned in and kissed her rather deeply. She wasn't ready for the amount of passion he pooled into her mouth but quickly recovered and ran her fingers through his hair. When they leaned back, they both breathed heavily and she saw what he wanted in his eyes. Blair would have said or done anything to take some of his ache away and she hoped that making love to him would be a start.

Placing her hands on the sides of his face, she caressed his wet cheeks as he watched her silently through his broken eyes. Leaning in, she placed a soft kiss on his temple and lingered there for a moment while he closed his eyes. As he breathed in her scent, she did the same with him and was able to recognize a mixture of alcohol and his aftershave. Leaning back, she placed a kiss on either one of his closed eyelids before closing in on his mouth. Once her lips touched his, his hands moved to the sides of her face and he deepened the kiss. Pulling away, she rose to her feet and moved to stand between his legs as he watched her in the darkness of the room. Only a few candles were lit on her dresser, creating enough light for them to see one another.

Her hands trailed up his arms and to his chest where she began unbuttoning his shirt. Once it was unbuttoned, she pulled the light fabric off his body and tossed it aside. She then moved her hands to her own dress and slowly zipped it down, stepping out of the material as their gaze on one another's eyes never drifted. Standing in only her undergarments, she gently pulled him to his feet and began unbuttoning his pants. She let it fall down his legs before removing the material from his feet one at a time. Rising back to her feet, she closed the distance between them and interlaced her fingers with his below their waists. Leaning in, she placed another soft kiss on the side of his neck before lowering herself and kissing his heart.

"It's still beating," she whispered, unlocking her right hand from his and caressing the skin above his heart.

He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch as she took his other hand and placed it over her own heart.

"Just like mine," she said as he opened his eyes and gazed at her, the intensity of his stare sending a shiver down her spine. "No matter what happens, I will always be here for you. Your heart and mine are one and I love you."

His eyes shut once more and a single tear streamed down his cheek as she leaned in even closer to his face, their lips inches apart.

"I love you," she repeated as he pulled her in and kissed her hungrily.

She gave in to his passion and wrapped her arms around his neck. The kiss continued to deepen as they moved back towards the bed and lowered themselves onto her expensive bedspread. He pinned her body under his and never once broke their kiss as she welcomed the weight over her. It wasn't long before the few articles of clothing that separated them were shed and he entered her. She thought that he would be erratic as a result of everything that had happened, but his movements were slow and passionate. Every time they had slept together, it had either been hungry and wild or slow and intense. This time was intense, but his movements made her realize that he needed to feel her more than anything else. He needed to feel her skin, her touch and her kiss and she happily gave him what he wanted. As the light of the candles flickered in the background and their shadows danced on the walls, they made love in her bed. He touched every part of her body in a way that made her want to scream but she bit back her own needs and gave him complete control. When they were done, he leaned up on his elbows and gazed down at her, the intensity in his eyes never wavering.

"Say it again." he whispered as she pulled his face back down to hers.

"I love you," she said into his mouth before kissing him once more.

Leaning back, he placed his head on her chest as she wrapped her arms around him. They both breathed quietly as she ran one hand up and down his back while the other was buried in his hair.

"Go to sleep," she whispered as he closed his eyes and let sleep wash over him.

Blair continued to listen to the gentle sound of his breathing and when she was sure he was asleep, she finally allowed herself to cry. She cried for the loss of his mother and father and for the sadness she knew would forever stay with him. After what seemed like half an hour, she pulled herself out from under him and turned him on his side. Moving in to spoon his body from behind, she placed a soft kiss on his shoulder before pulling the covers over their bodies and burying her face in his hair. Clutching his body from behind, Blair took in his peaceful appearance once more before closing her eyes and drifting off into a deep sleep.

When she awoke in the middle of the night, she sensed that something was wrong. The candles had long burned out and darkness covered the room. Reaching for Chuck across the bed, her eyes shot open when she realized he was no longer beside her. Sitting up in her bed, she pulled the covers to her chest and looked around the room before her eyes landed on a small piece of paper where his body had been. Grabbing the paper, she turned on the lamp next to her bed and read the words. It wrote _"I'm sorry for everything I've put you through and for leaving, but you deserve someone better than me. Please don't come looking for me." _ Her eyes scanned over the words several times before she felt a tear leave her cheek and watched it fall onto the note below. Lowering her hands, she closed her eyes and allowed the tears to fall once more.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

New Years Eve had come and gone as snow continued to fall all over the city. A blanket of white covered Manhattan as the stars sparkled in the night sky above. Dressed in a warm winter coat and a black scarf around her neck, Blair walked through Central Park with her arms wrapped around herself. As she strolled forward, she caught site of young children ice skating on the frozen pond while their parents watched from the sidelines, wide grins on all their faces. As she continued walking, she stopped when she saw a young couple throwing snowballs at one another. A single tear formed in her eye as she watched the boy chase his girlfriend before they both tripped and fell into a pit of snow. Their happiness was apparent through their laughter and smiles as the boy leaned down and softly kissed the girl. Letting out a deep sigh, Blair forced herself to look away and continued walking until she reached the end of the park and stepped onto the sidewalk.

Lovers, friends and families walked hand in hand, the cold not seeming to bother them as they moved around with smiles on their faces. Stopping abruptly, Blair turned to see her own reflection in the window of a boutique. Her eyes were tired and her figure seemed worn out. It had been three weeks since she had woken up to find Chuck's note and she hadn't heard a single word from him since then. Lilly had refused to have the funeral until Chuck had returned and she had even hired a private investigator to track him down. But three weeks had passed and no one had heard a word.

Blair had called him repeatedly the first week, averaging about twenty calls a day. But her calls became more infrequent as time passed. Her heart still yearned for him and she cried herself to sleep every night, but she was beginning to think that he would never come back. The thought that her love for him was not enough to stop him from leaving broke her heart even more. Why was she never enough?

Sighing, Blair closed her eyes and remembered the feeling of his arms around her that night in her bedroom before he disappeared. She had gone upstairs to find him in a broken mess, crying and waiting for her. They had slept together that night and perhaps for the first time in the history of their relationship, they had made love rather than have sex. When he fell asleep in her arms, a part of her never wanted to let him go, afraid that he would drown in his own misery if she did. But she had fallen asleep and he had left her all the same with nothing but a note asking her not to look for him and that she deserved better.

Opening her eyes, Blair exhaled a breath she didn't realize she had been holding before heading back down the crowded street. She envied the happy faces that passed her by as the soft snowflakes continued to fall from the sky. A part of her hated him for leaving and hurting her again. But another part, a bigger part, wanted him home so she could hold him and take away all his pain. Thinking back on the past year, a small smile covered her face for the first time in weeks. Her love for Nate was so different from her love for Chuck. It didn't even compare and this realization that she had come upon months ago continued to scare Blair. She was only eighteen and she wasn't supposed to have such strong feelings for someone at this age. But her body ached for his touch and her heart sang his name every morning when she woke and every night when she slept. What she felt was real, really real.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't realize her phone was vibrating in her purse until the third ring. Pulling it out reluctantly, she flipped it open and let out a sigh.

"Serena, I'm not in the mood to talk right now…," she began, but her friend cut her off almost immediately.

"Blair, he's back," she exclaimed.

Blair was speechless for a brief moment, allowing the words to sink in before speaking.

"When? Where? Why? How?" she asked as Serena laughed softly.

"Sweetie, I don't know much but the private investigator my mom hired found him overseas and brought him back," she explained.

"Well, where is he? Is he alright?" Blair asked worriedly.

"I think he's at the Palace right now," Serena said and sighed.

"What?" Blair asked, realizing her friend's change in tone.

"Blair, when the P.I guy found him, Chuck was…," Serena began but her sentence trailed off.

"What?" Blair demanded angrily.

"He was high," Serena replied. "I don't know much, but I'm guessing he really did a number to himself these past three weeks."

Realizing that her friend had more to say, Blair took a deep breath.

"What else, Serena?" she asked tentatively.

"Blair, I don't…," she began but Blair cut her off.

"I've been walking around these stupid streets for I don't know how long worried, hurt and angry," Blair expressed. "You just told me that he's back and he's safe so whatever you have to say won't matter much. Just say it."

After a short pause, Serna spoke into the phone. "He was unconscious when the P.I found him. He overdosed on something over there."

Blair shut her eyes for a brief moment to compose herself and when she reopened them, the tears were there.

"Blair, are you okay?" Serena asked worriedly.

"I'm fine," she said firmly, but her friend was able to hear the sadness in her voice. "I guess I'll go see him."

"Blair…," Serena started.

"I'm fine, S," she said, trying her hardest to sound indifferent. "I just want to give him a piece of my mind, that's all. I'll talk to you later."

Before Serena was able to say anything else, Blair had already hung up her phone. Once she had managed to flag a taxi, she climbed inside and gave the address of the Palace Hotel. When she arrived, she hurried into the lobby and towards the exquisite lounge at the very end. She was unsure what she would find and was more than confused about how she was supposed to feel. She was angry at him for leaving and hurting her. She was also angry at him for hurting himself. But the moment her eyes caught hold of him seated at the bar, all of her anger and resentment melted away and nothing but sorrow filled her heart. She was glued to the floor for a full minute before her legs began moving towards him.

Chuck was seated at the bar with an empty glass in front of him. His clothes seemed disheveled, his hair was a mess and he had grown a small stubble around his chin. He had his eyes closed with his forehead resting on the palm of his left hand. His appearance broke her heart despite her best efforts and she sighed before sitting down next to him. When he seemed oblivious to her presence, she placed her hand on his shoulder and gently nudged him. His eyes slowly opened and he blinked a few times to focus on the person who had disturbed him. The first thing she noticed was how bloodshot his eyes were from lack of sleep and God only knew what else. When he realized who was sitting next to him, he sat up and tried to straighten the wrinkles in his clothes.

"Chuck," she said softly, but he focused on the task at hand.

Reaching forward, she placed her hands on his to stop him and the moment their hands touched, he flinched and closed his eyes. His moment of peace ended abruptly when he pulled his hands out of her grasp and signaled the bartender to pour him another drink.

"What do you want?" he finally said, refusing to look at her.

"Where have you been?" she asked, her voice betraying her and revealing how worried she had been.

"All over," he replied, ignoring the hurt he heard in her voice.

"Chuck," Blair said again, but when she realized how distant he was, she sat up in her seat. "What did you take?"

"What?" he asked, surprised by her question.

"When you overdosed, what did you take?" she asked firmly.

"Whatever it was obviously didn't do the job right," he said and let out a soft chuckle.

Blair was surprised by his words and let out a small gasp. Realizing what he had just said, Chuck sighed and rose to his feet.

"I told you everything I wanted to say in my note," he said, still refusing to look her in the eyes. "There's nothing left to say."

With that, he turned and walked out of the lounge as she stared after him incredulously. After he stepped into the elevator, Blair snapped out of her daze and quickly followed him. When he reached his suite, he fumbled with the key card and eventually stepped inside, forgetting to shut the door behind him. He stopped in the middle of the room and looked around himself sadly before closing his eyes. Moments later, Blair stormed into the suite and slammed the door shut behind her.

"You may have nothing more to say, but I'm hardly finished!" she snapped at him, staring at his silent back. "I know you're hurting from losing your father, but I'm here for you. Just like I was there for you that night when you left me. We made love and you ran off and left me with a note! A note, Chuck!"

He kept his back on her and his eyes closed as she continued her rant.

"Do you have any idea how worried I've been? How hurt and angry but more than anything else, worried to death over you?" she exclaimed. "Do you have any idea how it felt, wondering if you were alive or dead in a ditch somewhere? If you were drowning yourself in alcohol or working on an early grave?"

He listened to every word she was shouting at him but refused to face her or open his eyes.

"And then I hear from Serena today that you were back but that the P.I Lilly hired found you unconscious and overdosed in God knows where," she continued, her voice breaking down. "Do you have _any_ idea how much you've hurt me?"

Finally opening his eyes, he turned to face her and what she saw made her stop cold. The only time she had seen him so lost and torn was the night he disappeared but now he seemed worse than before.

"I never wanted to hurt you," he whispered as the tears streamed down his cheeks. "I just felt like I was dying and I didn't want to drag you down with me."

Blair gazed at him in silence as his shoulders slumped over.

"But no matter what I do, they're still gone. They're both gone," he said and shut his eyes, the tears falling freely.

It took her another moment before Blair closed the distance between them and pulled him into her arms. He went without a fight and fell to his knees, taking Blair down with him. She held onto him tightly, rubbing his back with one hand while running her hand through his hair with the other. Chuck was never an emotional person and he hardly ever unmasked his feelings. But the broken boy who was crying in her arms was the complete opposite of the confident and indifferent Chuck she had always known growing up. They simply sat in the middle of the room in silence as she let him take comfort in her embrace.

"Let me help you," she finally whispered in his ear, causing him to lean back and look into her eyes with his tear-stained ones. "Please don't leave again."

They gazed at one another for a long time, neither speaking another word before he leaned in and kissed her. It was short but sweet and when he leaned back, she rose to her feet and brought him with her.

"Come with me," she said, taking his hand and leading him towards the large bathroom.

He followed her wordlessly and once they were inside, she closed the door and turned to face him. She wasn't sure where these maternal instincts were coming from, but she wanted to take care of him more than anything else. The Blair Waldorf who dated Nate was insecure and almost hostile, staking claim to what was hers and destroying anyone who stood in her path. The Blair Waldorf who stood before Chuck now was still insecure and would still devise plans whenever she felt it was necessary to do so, but she was gentler and more mature than before. Gazing at Chuck, she knew it was him and their relationship which helped make her who she was and she was grateful for it. Even though her heart was continuously breaking because of him, she wouldn't change a single thing between them because it brought them to this moment.

His tired eyes bore holes in the back of her skull as she started unbuttoning his shirt. He watched her intensely as she pulled his jacket and shirt off his body before moving for his pants. Once he was standing in only his boxer shorts, Blair removed her own jacket, followed by her shoes, sweater and skirt. Placing them on top of his clothes on the counter, she moved towards the bathtub and turned on the hot water. When the shower began steaming, she took his hand and led him inside the tub. Pulling the shower curtain to stop any water from spreading, she gently pushed his body under the hot water and watched as he closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. They exchanged no words as she leaned forward and embraced him once more, allowing the hot water to cover both their bodies.

She had never felt this way with Nate before, or anyone else for that matter. Despite all the problems they shared and the pain that was yet to be healed in Chuck's heart, Blair took comfort in the closeness that was always evident between them. Even when she was with Nate and Chuck was with one of his many one-nighters, there was something between them that was undeniable. After she had lost her virginity to him in the backseat of his limo last year, Blair had begun to see him differently. Despite their many fights and breakups, she had learned what real love was during the past year and the worry she felt through the last three weeks only sealed her love for him.

Leaning her face up, she placed a soft kiss on his cheek before starting a trail of kisses down his shoulder and neck and eventually his lips. He breathed in her scent and relaxed in her embrace as she leaned back and picked up the soap. She ran the soap over his arms and his chest, washing away the smell of alcohol from his body. When she was done washing him, he opened his eyes from under the shower and pulled her into a deep kiss. She closed her arms around his neck and allowed him to kiss her as he pushed her back into the wall opposite them. The kiss continued for another few seconds before he pulled away and leaned his forehead against hers.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

Blair simply nodded, knowing that his apology was heartfelt and brushed a loose strand of hair out of his face.

"I'm sorry too," she said sadly. "For everything."

He nodded and closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against hers once more. They stayed in that position for a long time before shutting off the water and stepping out of the shower. Once they were dry and clothed, she led him to the bedroom and they laid down on his bed in silence. The sound of his heartbeat comforted her as she buried the side of her face on his chest. It wasn't long before he fell asleep and when she was sure that he had, Blair sat up in bed and gazed down at him. Although she had accepted his apology for leaving, a part of her was still afraid that he would leave once more. Leaning down, she placed a soft kiss on his forehead before watching him sleep for the rest of the night.


	15. Chapter 15

Thanks for the reviews, guys. I just wanted to say Merry Christmas to everyone and that the song I used in this chapter is "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye" by Boys II Men

Chapter 15

The rays of sunshine pushed through the tall windows and covered the bedroom with light. Blair let out a small yawn before stretching on the bed. When her hands reached to her right, she felt the bed was empty and her eyes immediately shot open. She sat up in bed, afraid that he had disappeared once more but she relaxed when her eyes caught site of him standing by the window. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and his head was bent low as he gazed outside the window in silence. She watched him for a couple minutes before stepping out of bed and walking towards him. His face turned in her direction and they held a long gaze.

"How long have you been awake?" she asked softly.

"A couple hours," he replied with a shrug.

"Have you been standing here all this time?" she asked.

"I watched you sleep for a bit," he admitted before staring outside the window again. "It stopped snowing."

Her eyes followed his gaze and they stared at the white city below them before she turned back towards him.

"Are we ever going to talk about it?" she suddenly said.

"About what?" he said in return.

"About where you were…what happened to you over there," she whispered.

He remained silent, refusing to answer her question. Sighing softly, Blair raised her hand to his cheek and turned his face towards hers.

"Chuck," she said, but her sentence trailed off when she saw the look in his eyes.

He held her gaze for another moment before pulling away and stepping towards the bed.

"Lilly's going ahead with the funeral today. I guess she thinks I'll leave again so she wants to get it over with while I'm still here," he said and turned towards her. "You should go home and get ready."

"Will you be there?" she asked in a whisper.

"He was _my_ father, wasn't he?" Chuck replied, a bit of anger in his voice.

Realizing that he had shut down on her once more, Blair simply nodded.

"The car's waiting downstairs to take you home," he said and before she was able to say anything else, he walked away and moved towards the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Blair stood frozen for a long time, unsure how to take his sudden change in mood. Finally giving up, she wore her coat and walked out of the suite, not caring to fix her hair or wash her face. Inside the bathroom, Chuck listened to the door closing outside before staring at his own reflection in the mirror. He noticed how worn out his eyes were and the bags underneath them before touching the slight stubble on his chin. He continued to stare at his reflection, his eyes glued to the face he hardly even recognized anymore.

When Blair reached her home, she went inside her bedroom and slowly closed the door. Walking towards her mirror, she stared at her reflection and saw sadness in her eyes that never existed before. Taking a deep breath, she walked to her closet and pulled out a simple black dress. When she had finished getting ready for the funeral, she went downstairs and ate a bit of the breakfast that Dorota had made for her. Once her mother came down, she and Eleanor made their way to the church where the ceremony was to be held. Outside the steps to the large church, Blair noticed Lilly, Serena and Eric talking amongst themselves. Leaving her mother's side, she walked towards them and offered a small smile.

"I'm glad you came, Blair," Lilly said softly.

"How are you guys holding up?" she asked.

"It's a little better," Lilly replied and glanced around herself. "Where's Charles?"

"He'll be here," Blair assured her.

Nodding in relief, Lilly took hold of Eric's hand and the two of them walked up the steps and into the church, followed by Eleanor and Nate's mother.

"How are _you_ holding up?" Blair asked her best friend.

"I didn't really know Bart all that well. I'm just worried about my mom," Serena replied quietly. "What about you? Did you see Chuck?"

"Yeah, I went to the Palace last night and we got into it in his suite," Blair replied and sighed. "I think I calmed him down last night and he apologized for leaving the way he did. But this morning, he was so distant."

"B, he's going through a lot right now. I may not be Chuck's number one fan, but I know he cares about you a lot. Just give him some time," Serena said as Blair nodded. "So is he really coming?"

"He said he was," Blair said and shrugged. "I hope so, anyway. I don't know."

With another glance around them, the two girls walked up the stairs and into the church. At the altar was a large photo of Bart next to his open casket. As Blair walked down the aisle, she saw Lilly stare down at her husband inside his open casket before sadly pulling away and moving to join Eric on the first bench, followed by a silent Serena. Lilly had left an open spot for Chuck at the start of their bench as the rest of the guests started heading inside. Dan sat next to Serena, holding her hand in comfort while Rufus and Jenny sat behind them. On the opposite side of the Van der Basses sat, Nate, his mother, and Eleanor.

"Hey, did you talk to Chuck at all?" Nate asked when Blair sat down at the start of their bench.

"Yeah, last night," she said and stared at Bart's portrait.

"I tried calling him a bunch of times, but he wouldn't answer," Nate said, the worry in his voice apparent. "Is he coming?"

"He said he was," Blair replied, but a part of her wasn't sure.

She glanced behind her and noticed the rest of the church filling up with friends and admirers. After another couple moments, the Priest walked towards the aisle and stood behind the podium. He was an elderly man with a warm smile on his face. Once the crowd had finished sitting and silence engulfed the church, the Father looked over the many faces before focusing on Lilly, Serena and Eric.

"We are all gathered here today in remembrance of Bart Bass, a father, a husband, a businessman and a friend," the Father began softly.

Blair turned to her left and saw Lilly glancing around her. Sighing, she knew who Lilly was looking for. As the Father continued reading his sermon, Blair looked down at her folded hands sadly. She regretted leaving Chuck in the morning when she knew full well that he might leave again. But as much as she wanted to blame him for not showing up at the funeral, she couldn't find it in her heart to be angry at him.

"Now I would like to turn towards Bart's family and friends," the Father said, causing Blair to look up at him. "If anyone wishes to say a few words, please come up to the stand."

Blair looked over at Lilly again as Eric squeezed her hand in comfort. Outside, Chuck left his limousine and walked up the stairs to the church. He stood behind the closed doors for a minute, unsure whether or not he had the strength to go inside.

_How do I say goodbye to what we had?  
The good times that made us____laugh__  
Outweigh the bad._

Inside, Lilly took a deep breath and came to stand when they heard the doors to the church suddenly opening. Everyone turned to see who had disrupted the funeral and were surprised to see Chuck standing there. He was wearing an all black suit with a black overcoat on top. His figure still appeared worn out and tired but he had shaved the stubble off his face. Realizing that the hundred faces were planted on him, he took a deep breath and slowly began walking down the aisle. Both Blair and Lilly let out a breath that they had been holding in relief that he had come.

As he walked down the aisle, he kept his eyes fixed on his father's portrait next to the casket, refusing to look anyone in the eyes. Lilly came to reach out for him but he moved past her and stopped at the casket. Taking another deep breath, he finally looked down. Tears immediately formed in his eyes as he stared at his father's dead body. He was so perfectly preserved that it appeared as if Bart were merely sleeping. Shutting his eyes, Chuck exhaled heavily before forcing himself to move to the podium.

_I thought we'd get to see forever  
But forever's gone away  
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday._

The Father stepped to the side to allow him room and Chuck turned towards the silent audience whose eyes were all on him. He stared through the many faces before finally making eye contact with Lilly, the woman who had been like a mother to him the past few months. Breaking his pained eyes away, he cleared his throat and held onto the sides of the podium to keep him from falling over.

"For those of you who don't know me, I'm Chuck Bass," he began quietly. "Bart was my father."

His eyes moved towards Bart's body once more before he peeled them away.

"My father was an amazing businessman and entrepreneur. He created his multi-billion dollar company from the ground up and made it what it is today," he continued before sighing. "But he wasn't the best father and I guess I'll take a lot of the blame for that. You see, we never had a close relationship and we fought on almost everything."

He let out a small laugh as he thought back on his own words. Tears formed in both Lilly and Blair's eyes as they stared up at him.

_I don't know where this road  
Is going to lead  
__All I know__ is where we've been  
And what we've been through._

"I often disappointed him but the funny part is that he disappointed me too," he expressed, his voice starting to break. "But as many faults as he had, he was still my father. He was the only parent I ever had or knew and I would give anything to bring him back. To let him know that I loved him."

He shut his eyes and began shaking as the tears streamed down his cheeks. Without any hesitation, Blair sprang to her feet and ran towards him, pulling him into her arms and holding him tightly. The entire crowd watched the scene before them in sadness, the sound of Chuck's tears the only sound in the church.

_If we get to see tomorrow  
I hope it's worth all the wait  
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday._

Lilly grasped Serena's hand even tighter as she cried softly into the back of her hand. Blair felt his grip tighten around her body and she rubbed his back with her hands to comfort him. Leaning back, she caressed the tears away from his eyes as they held their gaze.

"It's okay," she said softly, helping him back towards the podium.

She stood to his side and held onto his hand as he sniffed and looked back towards the crowd.

"Despite the problems between us, I always loved him," Chuck said before clearing his throat. "I love him and I will miss him."

With that, he began walking down the steps with Blair's help. Stopping at the casket, he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his father's forehead before walking towards the Van der Bass clan with Blair. Giving Serena a squeeze on her shoulder, Dan rose to his feet and walked towards the other bench, taking Blair's seat and allowing room for her next to Chuck. The two of them sat down next to Lilly, who turned to her stepson and tenderly held the sides of his face. A moment later, she rose to her feet and walked towards the podium in a graceful manner.

_And I'll take with me the memories  
To be my sunshine after the rain  
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday_.

Taking a deep breath, Lilly turned to face the audience as Chuck stared at the ground with Blair holding onto his arm.

"My husband was a lot of things. He was an exceptional entrepreneur," she began and smiled softly. "But he was never able to express himself properly and that especially alienated his relationship with his son. Serena, Eric and I only knew him for a small while but I am happy that he was a part of our lives, even if it was for so short a time. I was able to see the regret he had for not being closer to Charles and how he blamed himself for pushing him away."

Lilly turned her attention to Chuck who looked up and met her eyes.

"He _did_ love you," she expressed sadly. "He may not have always shown it, but he did love you in his own way. He loved all of us."

With that, she gave a small smile and stepped down from the podium. Taking her seat, she reached out and held Chuck's free hand as the Father continued his sermon. The rest of the ceremony went by and within ten minutes, the funeral was over. Chuck rose to his feet and slowly closed the casket before holding it up with Nate, Dan and Rufus. With Lilly and the others trailing behind them, they carried the casket up the aisle and towards the doors of the church.

_And I'll take with me the memories  
To be my sunshine after the rain  
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday._

Heading down the steps, they placed the casket into the back of a vehicle before everyone boarded their cars and head towards the cemetery. After another hour, Bart was finally buried in the ground.

A small gathering was held at the Van der Bass home with most of the attendants of the funeral. While Lilly made the rounds and thanked everyone for coming, Chuck sat upstairs in his bedroom and rubbed his face. He opened his tie and yanked it off his neck, tossing it onto his bed before glancing around his room in silence. Getting to his feet, he unbuttoned his collar and walked into the hallway, listening to the quiet conversations coming from downstairs. Leaving his room, he walked down the hall and towards the study that Bart had personally decorated. Two of the walls resembled a library and were covered with books while a leather desk and chair sat on the third wall. In the center of the rather large room was a black piano. He stared at the piano for a minute before sitting on the small stool in front of it. His hands moved to the keys and after a moment's hesitation, his fingers began to gently strike them.

Downstairs, Blair left her mother's side and walked towards Serena and Dan.

"Hey, have you seen Chuck?" she asked.

"Last I saw him, he went upstairs," Dan replied, pointing to the steps behind them.

"Thanks," she said and walked away from the crowd.

Once she was upstairs, she poked her head in every room, looking for him. When she finally reached the study, she paused at the doorframe and watched as he played a sad melody on the piano. His head was bent down and he was concentrating on the music he was playing. After watching him for a few minutes, she left her position at the door and walked towards him, sitting on his left on the wooden stool.

"I didn't know you could play the piano," she said as he stopped and faced her.

"My mom loved playing it," he replied with a soft smile. "Obviously I don't remember, but Bart told me once how great a player she was."

"You play beautifully, you know," she said as he began playing another melody.

She laid the side of her head on his shoulder and watched his fingers move on the piano. After another couple minutes, he stopped playing and took her hand in his, the move catching Blair by surprise.

"One trait I inherited from Bart is that I don't express myself too well," he suddenly said as she sat up and faced him. "I just want you to know that I…."

As his sentence trailed off and he looked away, she turned his face back to hers.

"What?" she asked quietly.

He gazed into her eyes for a long moment and she was able to see all the pain that he was carrying. She saw the hurt, anger, fear and resentment resonating in his eyes and her heart broke for the thousandth time over him.

"What?" she asked again, her voice softer.

"I love you," he said and the words caused her to look down and hold back her tears.

Although he'd already told her he loved her before Bart's death, a part of her had feared that he would take it back. With everything that had happened and all that he was going through, she feared that he would disappear and leave her heartbroken once more. Smiling, she leaned forward and kissed him tenderly.

"I know," she said before leaning the side of her face on his shoulder again.

As his fingers moved towards the keys of the piano once more, Blair closed her eyes and held onto his arm, a gentle smile still planted on her lips.


	16. Chapter 16

Sorry for the late update guys!

Chapter Sixteen

Blair had only gotten a few minutes alone with Chuck at the reception as he was dragged down by his father's colleague to give him words of consolation. She wanted nothing more than to hold onto his hand and comfort him, but people had kept him as the center of attention. As Blair watched him from the side, she noticed the uneasy expression on his face. The Board Members of Bass Industries were discussing the future of the company while Chuck tried his hardest to pay attention, but Blair wasn't fooled. He was quietly suffering under their intent gazes, but couldn't find the strength to leave.

"How's Chuck?" Serena asked, coming up to her best friend.

Blair sighed in response. "I don't know. He seemed a little better upstairs. I think the funeral gave him some closure but…"

"But what?" Serena asked, noticing her pause.

"It'll take time for him to get back to where he was…before all of this happened," she replied softly as both their gazes traveled towards him.

"Chuck looks like he needs some more rescuing," Serena said with a small smile. "That's your cue, B."

"What do you mean?" Blair asked with a slight frown.

"You saved him, in a way," Serena began. "I mean, before he fell for you, he was a cold-hearted, manipulating jerk. And now…well, he's a little nicer."

Both girls shared a smile as they watched Lilly approach the group of men. As she distracted them in a subtle way, Chuck crept away from the group and walked towards Blair while Serena went in search of Eric.

"Can we get out of here?" he asked, his voice sounding edgy.

Blair noticed his tense and agitated state and quickly nodded. As they grabbed their coats and walked into the elevator, Chuck leaned his head back and let out a heavy sigh. Once they were outside, Chuck got into the backseat of his limo as Blair scrambled in after him.

"Where to, Sir?" his driver asked through the middle window.

"Just drive around until I tell you to stop," Chuck replied as the man nodded and closed the window.

Once they pulled into the street, Chuck stared out of his window in silence. Unsure of what else to do, Blair reached over and took his hand in hers, caressing his fingers softly. He flinched slightly at her touch before turning his head to face her. They held eye contact for a long time, neither wanting to break the moment. As Blair gazed into his eyes, the desire she saw staring back at her sent a chill down her spine. Without letting go of his hand, she scooted closer to him and pulled his face towards hers with her free hand. She brushed her lips against his as he closed his eyes and inhaled her scent.

They sat there with their foreheads touching for another minute before he untangled his hand from hers. Reaching behind her body, he pulled her onto his lap and closed his arms around her back as either of her legs rested beside him. They stared at one another intently before Blair finally leaned down and pressed her lips to his once more. As the kiss started growing more intense, a low groan escaped his throat. She leaned back at the noise, both breathing heavily as she pushed his hair out of his face and he tightened his grip around her. Without further hesitation, their lips reached one another's once more and they kissed with all the passion and need that had built up inside them the last few weeks.

The outside world existed oblivious to the passion being shared in the back of the limousine between the two young lovers. The driver continued moving through the streets as day eventually turned into night and the stars began sparkling in the sky. After they had made love, Blair remained on his lap and wore his dress shirt with the first few buttons undone. He ran his hands through her messy hair as she kept her hands planted on his chest.

"I love you like this," he said softly as she tilted her head to him. "Your hair a mess…your skin glowing."

"Of course your opinion has nothing to do with the fact that_ you_ make me glow, right?" Blair teased as he smiled.

The smile was the first genuine one she had seen on his face for weeks. It almost broke her heart as she traced the contours of his face with her fingers, wanting to savor everything about the moment.

"Don't leave me tonight," he suddenly whispered as her eyes found his. "Stay with me, please."

Blair sensed the sadness in his voice and eyes and simply nodded at his request. She pulled him towards her body and embraced him tightly as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. When they returned to the Upper East Side, Chuck asked his driver to pull up to the Palace. They exited fully clothed and walked towards the elevators with Blair holding onto his arm, wearing his jacket instead of her own. Moving silently up the floors, they finally got off on his floor.

"Are we not staying with the others?" she asked as he opened the door to his own suite and walked in.

"Not tonight," he replied quietly before closing the door behind her.

Blair moved to the counter, removed his jacket and placed her belongings on top before facing him.

"Are you hungry?" she asked.

Chuck turned to her and shook his head.

"I'm tired," he replied. "I just want to go to sleep."

Blair nodded and came to move towards the sofa when he held his hand out to her.

"With you," he finished.

She couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face and gently took his hand in hers, following him wordlessly towards his bedroom. Once they were inside, they both removed their shoes and slowly climbed into the large bed. As Chuck lied down above the sheets, he opened his arms and Blair smiled before lying down next to him. She let him pull her towards him and cradle her tightly as she placed the side of her head on his chest. Pulling the blanket up to cover their waists, Chuck let out a soft sigh before closing his eyes.

"I love you," Blair whispered after a few minutes of silence.

When he made no reply, she leaned up on her elbow and noticed that he had already fallen asleep. Smiling at him, she lied back down and listened to the slow beating of his heart. It brought her ease when she knew he was safe and in her arms.

Blair slept peacefully until the light sound of raindrops coming from outside woke her. Stretching across the bed, she opened her eyes and quickly realized she was alone. Looking through the darkness of the room, Blair noticed a thin line of light coming from beneath the bathroom door. Getting to her feet, she quietly moved across the floor before stopping behind the door.

"Chuck?" she asked softly.

When there was no response, she gently tapped her fingers on the door as worry slowly crept into her mind.

"Chuck?" she repeated more loudly.

The door suddenly opened, causing her to take a step back as he appeared in front of her. He wore his pants but no shirt, smiling softly at her while he stood in-between the door and the rest of the bathroom.

"Are you alright?" she asked, squinting from the sudden light.

"Yeah," he said and leaned down to kiss her. "Go back to bed. I'll be right there."

She nodded and turned to walk away as he watched her go. Once she had snuggled under the blanket on his side of the bed and closed her eyes, he closed the door and stood in front of the mirror. With his hands clutching the edge of the sink to hold him up, Chuck stared at his own reflection in the mirror. Seconds passed before his eyes moved down to the sink. Inside sat a syringe, a thick rubber band and an empty, see-through pouch.

He closed his eyes and rubbed his face before taking the items and placing them under his sink, out of sight. Taking a deep breath, he shut off the light and stepped out of the bathroom. Once he reached the bed, he climbed in behind her and held onto her body from behind. Blair's hand moved to cover his own over her stomach and she sighed contently, her eyes still closed. From behind her, Chuck placed the side of his face in the crook of her neck before letting out a shaky breath.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

Monday morning brought the start of a new week, one that Blair hoped would be the beginning of good times for both her and Chuck. After falling asleep with Chuck in his suite two days ago, she had heard very little from him the following day. He had excused himself that he was busy dealing with the father's colleagues and lawyers, but Blair felt as if he was pulling away from her.

Sighing, she stared at her image in the mirror, dressed from head to toe in her school uniform. Peeling her eyes away from her reflection, she gathered her things and made her way down the stairs. After nibbling at the breakfast Dorota had prepared for her, she walked out of her home and stepped into the awaiting car outside. Ten minutes later, she was dropped off at the front steps of her private school. As she walked away from her ride and towards the steps, she saw Nate, Serena and Dan engrossed in a light conversation.

"Hey B," Serena said with a smile, noticing the petite brunette walking towards them.

"Hi," she replied with a small smile. "Have you guys seen Chuck?"

"He didn't come with you?" Nate asked in reply as she shook her head.

"No, he stiffed me on a ride this morning," she replied, trying her hardest to sound irritated but unable to mask the worry in her voice.

Before Serena was able to say anything, Dan nudged her shoulder and pointed towards the street. As they all turned to watch, Chuck got out of his limousine and slowly made his way towards them. His shirt was not tucked in and his hair was slightly messy while his eyes had a shade of redness in them.

"Hey," Blair said, immediately reaching out to take his hand in hers.

"Hey," he replied, keeping his eyes on the ground.

"Chuck, are you alright?" Nate asked, stepping next to them as he looked up.

"Yeah, I just couldn't sleep last night," he stated and faced Blair. "Sorry for the ride today. I just had something I needed to do."

Just then, the bell rang and he pulled his hand out of her grasp and made his way up the stairs. As Nate and Dan followed, Blair stood back and watched him go with a concerned expression on her face.

"What is it, B?" Serena asked.

"He seems different," she said softly, facing her best friend. "His eyes are so red, but I don't think he's drunk."

"Maybe he really didn't get any sleep, like he said," Serena offered before looping her arm through Blair's and pulling her towards the front doors.

"It's just that…," Blair began but quickly hesitated.

"What?" Serena asked as they stopped in front of their first period classroom.

"Ever since he came back…I've just been so happy to have him here, safe and with me," she began. "I guess I kind of ignored it."

"Ignored what?" Serena asked with a slight frown.

"The emptiness in his eyes," Blair finally said. "He tries to hide it but it's there. Just now…it was more evident than ever."

"Blair, he's been through a lot these past few weeks. It's going to take a while for him to heal," she explained as Blair sighed.

With that, both girls walked into the classroom and sat next to Dan. As the teacher walked in and started the morning's lecture, Blair found herself staring down at the blank paper on her desk, the teacher's voice drowned out by the sounds of a hundred thoughts going through her mind. Monday had not started the way she had hoped.

Second and third period went by just as slowly before lunch finally arrived. As Blair made her way through the hall, she entered the courtyard only to find Nate, Serena and Dan sitting in one of the center tables. She looked around the quad for him but he was nowhere to be found. Quietly giving up, she made her way towards her friends and sat next to Serena. Before she was able to ask about his whereabouts, Chuck entered her line of sight. With his head held up, he made his way towards the group and sat down next to Blair with a thud.

"Hey baby," he said with a wide grin.

Blair looked into his eyes and they appeared even redder than the morning.

"Chuck," she said, turning to fully face him. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah," he said with a laugh before leaning in and kissing her.

When he pulled back, she realized that there was no hint of alcohol on his breath. But his erratic behavior could only mean one other thing and the thought sent a chill down her spine.

"Chuck, why don't we get you home," she said, getting to her feet as her friends all frowned in confusion.

"But I just got here," he said with another laugh.

"Buddy, I think you should listen to Blair," Nate said, rising to his feet as he too sensed that something was off with his best friend.

When Chuck refused to get up, Nate moved beside him and pulled him to his feet.

"Are you high?" he asked in a whisper that only he and their friends could hear.

"No," he replied in an effort to appear insulted. "Beside, haven't you heard? Marijuana and hash are for kids. Must I teach you everything, Nathaniel?"

Serena exchanged a glance with Blair, realizing that her step-brother was speaking incoherently.

"Chuck…," Blair began, the worry in her voice unmistakable as she took his hands in hers. "Come on, let's get you home so you can sleep."

"But I don't want to sleep," he said, the laughter dying away from his voice.

"I just think that you need some rest," she said, moving closer to him.

"Why don't you just back off? I don't need you babying me!" he suddenly shouted before pushing her away angrily.

Blair fell back into Nate who managed to catch her before she hit the ground.

"Chuck…," Blair cried, her eyes on the verge of tears as his outburst and anger caught the attention of everyone around them.

"Chuck, what is wrong with you?" Serena demanded angrily, rushing to Blair's side.

Before any of them could say anything else, the loud clanking of Headmistress Queller's high heels quieted the group.

"Mr. Bass!" she exclaimed, having seen his outburst. "What do you think you are doing?"

"I'm trying to have lunch, but everyone keeps pestering me," he said, his grin returning to his face.

As the Headmistress looked into his bloodshot eyes, her own eyes suddenly widened.

"Are you high, Mr. Bass?" she asked slowly.

"Maybe I am," he replied in a sing-song voice. "Maybe I'm not."

"Well, you can consider yourself suspended for two weeks," the Headmistress declared.

Blair kept her gaze steadily on Chuck while her heart silently broke for him.

"That's it?" he asked with a laugh. "If that's all you're going to do, I would have done this a long time ago."

Blair looked around and saw their entire class snapping photos with their cell phones, undoubtedly sending them to Gossip Girl.

"Would you like it to be more permanent?" The Headmistress demanded, but all she received was a loud chuckle from Chuck. "Let's go, Mr. Bass."

"What are you going to do, call my parents?" he said, yanking his arm away from the older woman and turning deathly serious. "Mom is dead, dad's dead too."

The stern look on the older woman's face softened slightly at his words, but she ultimately held her stand.

"I am asking you to leave the school grounds right now before I call security," she began. "You are suspended for two weeks, Mr. Bass. If you ever come here in the condition you are now, the suspension will be permanent. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal," he said and saluted the Headmistress before turning towards Blair and kissing her cheek. "Got to go, B."

With that, he made his way through the large crowd of gossipers and through the main hallway as they watched him go. Once she could no longer see his retreating figure, Blair snapped out of her daze and began running after him.

"Chuck!" she shouted when she reach the top of the front steps, only to see him get into the back of his limousine and disappear.

"What's going on, Blair?" Serena asked with a frown as Blair turned to both her and Nate who had followed.

"I don't know," she said worriedly. "What happened to him the past month when he was gone? What did he do to himself?"

The three of them stared at one another in silence as a single tear rolled down Blair's reddened cheek. In the back of his limousine, Chuck rolled around in the leather seat restlessly. His forehead had begun to form beads of sweat while his eyes continuously closed, unable to remain open for more than a few seconds. All of a sudden, he felt a gripping pain in his abdomen and rolled over to clutch his stomach. Letting out a cry of pain, he buried the side of his face into the leather seat, memories of his outburst and suspension quickly fading away.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

Blair rushed out of the elevator at the Palace and ran down the hallway. Opening the door to Chuck's suite, she barged inside the glanced around the dark room.

"Chuck!" she called out, but only silence answered her.

Shutting the door, she dropped her jacket and bag on the kitchen counter before feeling for the light switch on the wall behind her. The moment she switched it on, she noticed Chuck sitting on the couch a few feet away from her, staring into thin air."Chuck!" she exclaimed and ran towards him.

Sitting on his left, she shook his shoulder but received no response.

"Hey," she said more softly and reached for his hand.

The moment her fingers grazed his, he jolted out of his daze and slowly turned towards her, his eyes incredibly red and glazed over.

"Chuck," she cried out as fresh tears threatened to stream down her cheeks.

"What do you want?" he asked, his voice sounding rough and angry.

"I was worried about you," she replied and reached out to touch his face.

He immediately yanked his face away from her touch, his sudden move causing her to gasp.

"You shouldn't be here," he said, an edginess to his voice that scared Blair.

"Chuck," she tried once more, but he refused to look at her. "I just want to help you, whatever you need."

He simply sat there unmoving, his silence causing Blair's nerves to explode.

"How about you get some sleep?" she asked gently. "It's been a long day."

"I don't want to sleep," he growled at her, his eyes focused on the table in front of him.

"Honey," she whispered, using the endearing term for the first time with him.

He slightly flinched at the single word, but continued to stare straight ahead.

"I really think you should get some rest," she repeated.

When he made no effort to move, she reached for his other hand. He suddenly rose to his feet and angrily pushed her away from him.

"I'm not sleeping!" he shouted and moved to the other side of the room.

Blair was taken aback by his sudden anger, but she quickly jumped to her feet and moved behind him.

"Whatever you are going through, we will handle it together," she said confidently. "I'm not a little porcelain doll that's going to break Chuck, and you know that."

He refused to face her and she slowly moved closer to him.

"Please," she said sadly, unable to stop the tears from falling. "Let me help you."

"I don't need your help!" he screamed.

As he spun around, his hands caught contact with her body and sent her falling to the ground, hitting the coffee table on the way down. Blair yelped in pain and held onto her right ankle as he stared down at her with wide eyes. When she looked up at him, ready to curse him out for his behavior, she saw the torment and regret in his eyes.

"Shit," he choked out and ran his hand through his hair. "Blair, I'm so sorry."

"Chuck…," she tried, but he cut her off.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," he muttered repeatedly under his breath.

"It's fine," she tried once more, but it was useless.

He rubbed his eyes and immediately pulled his cell phone out of his pocket.

"I need an ambulance. A young woman's been hurt," he said into the phone before giving his address and suite number.

"Chuck, I'm fine," Blair said and tried her hardest to get to her feet as he hung up.

But the pain in her already-swollen ankle made her yelp in pain yet again. He quickly grabbed her before she hit the ground and helped her onto the couch. Once she was seated, he moved to his freezer and grabbed an ice pack. Rushing back to her side, he gently placed it on her ankle and held it in place. The ice immediately relieved some of the pain she was feeling and Blair looked up at him. His eyes refused to make contact with hers so she moved her hands to his cheeks and lifted his face.

"I'm okay," she said and saw evidence of tears in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry," he repeated.

"Honey, it's…," she tried to get through to him, but he broke the moment and rose to his feet.

Walking towards the door, he leaned his back on the wall and waited for the paramedics to arrive as she watched him with a heavy heart. Silence surrounded them until the paramedics arrived behind the door.

"She's over there," Chuck said as he opened the door and pointed in her direction.

The young man and woman walked towards her as the Hotel Manager rushed in after them.

"Mr. Bass?" he asked in confusion, but Chuck looked away in agony.

"What's your name?" the female paramedic asked, kneeling down in front of her.

"Blair Waldorf," she replied.

"Can you tell us what happened?" the male asked before removing the ice pack.

"Nothing, we were arguing and I lost my balance and hit the table," she said and winced in pain as the paramedics inspected her leg.

"It looks like an ankle sprain," the female said and looked up at Blair. "But we need to get you to the hospital for an x-ray to rule out an ankle fracture."

"Is that really necessary?" Blair asked, her eyes focused on Chuck the whole time.

"Yes," the male replied as both paramedics rose to their feet and assisted Blair off the couch.

They helped her limp towards the gurney and she reluctantly got on. Once they had securely strapped her on and collected their equipment, they began wheeling her towards the door.

"Sir, will you be coming with us?" the female asked.

Without glancing up at her, Chuck quickly nodded his head as Blair sighed in relief. As everyone piled out of the suite, Chuck grabbed her jacket and purse and followed them towards the elevator. The ride down was silent as was the walk to the ambulance outside. Although everyone stared at them and countless people their age snapped photos with their phones for Gossip Girl, Blair's eyes remained on Chuck. When they placed her inside the back of the ambulance, the female got in followed by Chuck while the male walked to the driver's side.

As they pulled onto the street, the paramedic with them began going through her notes, seated at the foot of the gurney while Chuck sat directly next to Blair, avoiding her gaze. She desperately wanted to say something to ease his pain and guilt, but couldn't find the right words. Instead, she reached for his hand and the moment their fingers touched, he shut his eyes and allowed the tears that had formed to fall.

"Chuck, look at me," she said, sitting up in her seat.

Wiping his eyes with his free hand, he finally looked into her eyes.

"It was an accident," she assured him in a whisper, wanting to keep the conversation private between them. "I know you'd never hurt me."

"Yeah, just like today at lunch when I pushed you away, right?" he said, sounding disgusted with himself.

"You've been through a lot…," she tried, but he cut her off.

"That's no excuse, Blair," he said and looked away. "That's no excuse."

The finality of his words meant the discussion was over and Blair sat back on the gurney with a sigh. Within a few minutes, they arrived at the hospital and pulled in front of the Emergency Ward. As they unloaded her out of the ambulance and wheeled her inside, Chuck quietly followed them with his gaze cast down. With an unusually quiet day in the E.R, the paramedics were able to wheel her into a private waiting room before explaining her stats to the awaiting doctor. As the paramedics left and the female Attending began going through the medical notes, Chuck stayed at the very end of the room.

"Miss Waldorf, I'm Doctor Layman," she began with a warm smile as Blair tore her eyes away from Chuck to focus on the woman. "It says here that you had an accident and fell?"

"Yes," Blair said quickly as her eyes moved back to Chuck.

Catching her gaze, Dr. Layman turned to Chuck who continued to stare at the floor.

"Sir, would you mind waiting outside while I examine Miss Waldorf?" the doctor asked politely.

Nodding absently, Chuck left Blair's purse and jacket on the chair and stepped out of the room as they watched him go.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Dr. Layman asked once he was gone.

"What do you mean?" Blair asked impatiently, angry that she had sent him out. "I told you I fell."

"Is that what really happened?" Dr. Layman continued. "Did you fall or did your friend push you?"

Blair's eyes slowly widened at the woman's words and shook her head.

"No! No, it was an accident!" she continued. "We got into an argument and I tripped and fell."

"Miss Waldorf, your friend's face is pale, his eyes are red and watery and his hands were slightly shaking," Dr. Layman expressed as Blair sighed. "It's obvious that he has taken a drug or some other substance."

"Look, it's not like that," she began. "His dad died a few weeks ago and he's been having a really hard time dealing with everything, that's all. It was an accident."

Dr. Layman refused to be convinced so Blair impatiently sat up in the hospital bed.

"Listen, my name is Blair Waldorf and my mother is Eleanor Waldorf who I believe donated a huge amount of money to your pediatrics wing last year," she exclaimed. "I don't spend time with junkies and Chuck is the farthest thing from that."

With that, her voice slowly began to soften.

"He's just been through a lot," she finished and looked away as the doctor nodded.

"Alright," she said, finally convinced before rising to her feet. "I'm going to go schedule an x-ray for your ankle. I'll be right back."

With that, she turned and walked out of the room as Blair let out a heavy breath. Seconds later, Chuck walked back into the room much to her surprise.

"Hey," she said as he approached the side of her bed.

"I called Serena. She's on her way over," he said quietly.

"You didn't need to do that. You're here," she said as he looked up at her sadly.

The second their eyes locked, she knew what he was about to say.

"I should go," he said softly. "So much has happened this past year but it's no excuse for what I…"

His sentence trailed off and she quickly sat up in her bed.

"Chuck, it was an accident. You didn't know I was standing that close to you when you turned around," she explained but he shook his head.

"I need to get away for a while," he said, his words causing her heart to break. "And when I say away, I don't mean somewhere to get wasted and forget everything. I just need to get away."

Before she was able to say anything, he leaned down closer to her.

"You are the best thing in my life and I would never forgive myself if I ever hurt you like that," he said quietly. "I don't think I'll forgive myself for this."

"But…," she tried to reason with him, but he shook his head.

"I need to go away for a while," he said once more.

With that, he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. Her hands snaked around his neck and she pulled him in closer for a full embrace. He allowed her to hold onto him for a few more seconds before pulling away.

"I'm sorry," he said softly and she was able to see the pain in his eyes that matched the sadness in his voice. "Goodbye Blair."

Turning around, he walked out of the room and quietly closed the door. When she was sure he was gone, she allowed the tears to fall from her eyes, the pain in her heart silencing the pain in her leg.


	19. Chapter 19

The song I used in this chapter is Halo by Beyonce. Also, one of Blair's quotes towards the end of the chapter is from episode 2x13 so minor spoiler :)

Chapter Nineteen

Opening her eyes, Blair stared up at her white ceiling in silence. The only sound in her bedroom was that of her even breathing. Glancing over at her night stand, she saw that it was past ten in the morning. Sitting up in her bed, she removed a small photo album from her nightstand and opened it to the last page. Staring back at her was a photo of Chuck, one that she had secretly kept hidden all this time.

After leaving her in the hospital three weeks ago, Chuck had checked himself into rehab out of town. Although Blair was happy that he was getting the help he needed, a part of her hated that she wasn't able to provide it for him. Nate had left town with Chuck and had stayed with him at rehab for a few days to offer support. When he returned, he had refused to tell Blair the address of the rehabilitation center, telling her Chuck he needed to do this on his own.

Blair had been happily surprised when Chuck called her one week into rehab. They had spent over three hours discussing everything from her bitchy minions, to the on-going love fest between Serena and Dan. Neither spoke of the day he left nor the guilt he felt in hurting her, no matter how much Blair assured him that it was accidental.

He had made it a habit of calling her once a night to talk and Blair would rush home from school as well as she could with the large cast on her ankle to answer his call. Curling in her bed, they would banter back and forth and Blair sensed a bit of his old self starting to return. Although Serena had tried to drag her around Manhattan in an effort to get her mind off of everything, all Blair wanted to do was spend her nights talking to him. It amazed her how much she missed hearing his voice when they only went a day without speaking.

The last time he had called her was three days ago, however, and Blair had begun to worry. He had managed to keep up with his schoolwork as Nate frequently visited him with assignments so Blair knew it had nothing to do with school. Gazing down at his photo with a million thoughts going through her mind, she was pulled out of her daze when Dorota walked into her room.

"Miss Blair, it is almost eleven," she said in her thick accent. "Your breakfast is late and Miss Serena will be here soon to get ready for prom."

"Okay," she said quietly as Dorota walked out of the room.

Placing the photo back in her drawer, she slowly rose to her feet and made sure to balance her weight off her sprained ankle. Wearing her silk robe, she slowly moved towards the bathroom and shut the door. Minutes later, she walked back into her bedroom to see Dorota placing a tray of food on her already-made bed.

"Eat," she said firmly before turning to leave.

Smiling absently, Blair sat on the edge of her bed and began taking small bites out of her toast. Although she didn't have much of an appetite, she knew Dorota would throw a fit if she refused to eat. Almost ten minutes later, Serena walked into the room with two large shopping bags and a wide smile on her face, followed by Dorota.

"Hi B," she greeted and took a seat in front of her as Dorota took the empty tray and left the room. "Can you believe prom is tonight?"

"Haven't really been thinking about it," Blair admitted as Serena nodded sympathetically.

"Well, you and I are going to have an amazing prom tonight and I'm not going to let my stupid brother's absence ruin it for you," Serena said before emptying the contents of the bags on the bed.

Blair's lips curled into a smile. "You just called him your brother."

"What?" Serena asked, looking up at her best friend.

"You just called Chuck your brother," Blair repeated as Serena scoffed.

"No I didn't," she said with a laugh.

"S, I'm sitting right here and I heard you," Blair replied, laughing herself.

"Momentary lapse of sanity," Serena excused herself. "So, have you heard from him?"

"No," Blair said, her smile disappearing as she looked away. "It's been three days."

"Well, no one said rehab is easy. It's probably like boot camp and he's grumpy because he forgot to pack his silk pajamas," Serena said, wanting to ease away some of her friend's worry.

When Blair cracked a small smile, Serena smiled in response.

"Come on, let's start getting ready," she said and rose to her feet.

"Aren't you eager," Blair said with another laugh. "Prom's not for another six hours."

"Exactly, we don't have enough time so get up," Serena said and moved towards the walk-in-closet.

Blair laughed at her friend's antics before carefully rising to her feet. The hours ticked by like minutes as the two best friends hung out in Blair's bedroom, reminiscing about memories of the past and the present. The only break they took was when Dorota demanded that they eat lunch.

At quarter after six, Serena stood in front of the mirror and smiled at her reflection. She was dressed in a long, layered blue dress which brought out her eyes and showed her curves in a graceful manner. With her makeup done and the loose curls of her hair pinned back in a ponytail, she turned away from the mirror satisfied.

"B, come on," she called out to the bathroom.

Seconds later, the door opened and Blair slowly stepped out. She was dressed in a long, silver and elegant strapless gown which made her eyes sparkle in the light while her loose brown curls flowed across her shoulders. She wore a single diamond ring on her right hand while the diamond necklace Chuck had bought for her birthday last year hung around her bare neck.

"B, you look gorgeous," Serena said with a sweet smile as Blair smiled back.

"So do you," she said as they embraced.

"Nice necklace," Serena pointed out.

"I just wanted to have a part of him tonight," Blair said sadly as Serena nodded in understanding. "So, is Humphrey picking you up here?"

"No, you and I are riding in the Bass limo together," Serena replied. "I'm meeting Dan there."

"S, you don't have to do that," Blair began but Serena shook her head.

"This is a rite of passage for both of us. Who else to share it with than my best friend," she said sweetly as Blair smiled once more. "Wow, three smiles in a matter of minutes. I must be doing something right."

Shaking her head, Blair linked her arm through Serena's and both girls moved towards the staircase.

"If I wasn't wearing a dress, I'd carry you," Serena offered as they slowly took each step one by one.

"Knowing you, you'd probably drop me midway," Blair said as both girls shared another laugh.

"Miss Blair, Miss Serena," Dorota exclaimed from the bottom of the stairs before clasping her hands over her mouth. "Let me take a picture for Miss Eleanor."

As both girls smiled, Dorota snapped a few quick photos of the pair. When she stepped back, they slowly walked towards the front door. Once they were outside, they walked towards the waiting limousine and got into the backseat. Chatting for the whole ride towards the ballroom rented out by their school for prom, they soon got out of the limousine and began heading inside. The ballroom was elegantly decorated for the evening, with students from their class already on the dance floor between the tables.

"Serena," Dan greeted his girlfriend with a kiss when they walked into the ballroom. "You look amazing."

They kissed once more before Dan turned towards Blair.

"You look really good too, Blair," he said in an effort to compliment her.

"Thanks Humphrey," she replied before looking away as Serena smiled between the two. "Who else is here?"

"Nate and Vanessa are already at our table," Dan said and began leading them through the crowd as Blair held onto her friend for support.

"Hey guys," Nate said, getting to his feet.

He was dressed a light grey pants and a matching shirt, tailcoat and bowtie while Dan was dressed in a formal black tuxedo. Vanessa was dressed in a long, black dressed with her hair pinned up loosely.

"You guys look great," Nate said with a smile as the others sat down at the table.

"Have you heard from him?" Blair asked, trying her hardest to appear casual.

"No," Nate said truthfully as Blair nodded and cast her gaze to the dance floor where couples were mingling.

"I'm sorry B," Serena said, rubbing her shoulders.

"I'm fine," she said with a fake smile which never met her eyes. "So do you have your expression picked out for when they name you Prom Queen?"

"What makes you think I'll be Prom Queen?" Serena asked in return.

"S, you have it in the bag," Blair said with a small chuckle.

The other joined in on their conversation and the night went by enjoyably for the group. After a while, both Dan and Nate asked their girlfriends to dance and Blair watched as the two couples walked away hand in hand. As she sat in her seat, she was suddenly approached by one of her classmates named James.

"Hi Blair," he greeted with a charming smile as she looked up at him. "I saw you sitting here alone and I thought to myself that…"

"Why are you in my airspace?" she asked, cutting him off abruptly.

He was taken aback by the tone of her voice and stumbled in his response.

"I just…I mean, I thought…," he began.

"Well, whatever you thought, you thought wrong," she informed him with attitude laced in her voice. "You may go."

He was bewildered by her words but quickly rushed away as she sighed and took a sip of her champagne. Although she tried her best to have a good time for Serena's sake, her mind couldn't help but wander back to the boy…the man her heart craved for. The same man who managed to love and break her at the same time.

Once nine o'clock arrived, the Headmistress walked onto the stage and captured everyone's attention. Serena pulled Blair to her feet and the two girls stood with the rest of their group at the front of the crowd.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to announce your Prom King and Queen," she began before opening the small envelope in her hand. "Your Prom King is Nathanial Archibald."

As the crowd broke out in applause, Vanessa gave Nate a quick kiss on his cheek before he walked onto the stage. Lowering his head to receive the small golden crown, he stepped back and smiled at his classmates.

"And your Prom Queen is…," the Headmistress began and smiled. "Serena Van Der Woodson."

Serena gasped in surprise as Blair gave her a congratulatory hug. With the rest of the students applauding, Serena walked onto the stage and received a crown similar to Nate's.

"And now the King and Queen will have their first dance," the Headmistress declared.

As the slow music began to play in the background, Nate took Serena's hand and led her to the center of the dance floor. While most of the people scattered away to their tables, a dozen other couples remained and began dancing.

"Shall we?" Nate asked with a smile as Serena laughed.

"We shall," she replied and held onto him.

As he began moving her around, Dan and Vanessa also started to dance. Standing at the edge of the dance floor, Blair's smile slowly began to vanish. A few months ago, she would have been upset over losing Prom Queen to Serena, but now it hardly even registered in her mind. What mattered to her most was the one person who was missing.

Ever since she and Chuck had embarked on their relationship last year which began in the back of his limousine, the old Blair Waldorf slowly fell away and was replaced by a more mature young woman. Instead of being prim and proper all the time, Chuck had made her feel alive and made her see what love really was. Although her bitchiness resurfaced every now and then, everyone could see the change in her.

_Remember those walls I built,  
Well, baby they're tumbling down,  
And they didn't even put up a fight,  
They didn't even make up a sound._

_I found a way to let you In,  
But I never really had a doubt,  
Standing in the light of your halo,  
I got my angel now._

Blair smiled softly at Nate and Serena, remembering where they were the same time a couple years ago. Thinking back, Blair couldn't even imagine becoming the same person she was with Nate, with her need for everything to be perfect and seeing her ex as a knight in shining armor. Chuck was the farthest thing from a white knight and he had so many faults that she could hardly keep count, but none of that mattered to her. What mattered was the way he looked at her, the way he'd brush a loose strand of hair behind her ear, the way he'd cuddle close to her when they slept and the way he kissed her as if it were his last day on earth.

_It's like I've been awakened  
Every rule I had you breakin'  
It's the risk that I'm takin'  
I ain't never gonna shut you out_

Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace

He had hurt her more in the past year than Nate had in the entirety of their relationship. Even though Nate had slept with Serena when they were together, it didn't hurt as much as Chuck leaving her in Tuscany. It also didn't compare to the pain she felt every time she looked into his broken eyes after his father's death. The love she felt for him was overwhelming and overpowering, but one she desperately wanted to hang onto. Despite them constantly hurting each other, she wouldn't change the love she felt for him for anything else in the world.

_You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby I can feel your halo  
Pray it won't fade away_

I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo

Seeing the happy couples dancing around her, Blair felt another wave of sadness wash over her. Sighing softly, she turned around and stopped dead in her tracks. Standing a few feet away, dressed in black pants, a white shirt and white tie with a black tailcoat was Chuck. They stood frozen and gazed at one another through the crowd until he finally began walking towards her. The look in his eyes held the same sadness she had seen three weeks ago, but for the first time in a long while, his smile met his eyes.

"Hi," he said quietly when he reached her.

"Hi," she repeated before pulling out of her daze. "What are you doing here?"

"I didn't want you to miss prom," he said.

"I'm here, aren't I?" she asked as his smile softened.

"Then maybe I didn't want to miss it," he replied as his eyes traveled to the necklace she wore. "I always liked that on you."

"You have good taste," she said as he nodded.

"In more things than jewelry," he replied as she blushed slightly.

"Should you even be here?" she asked. "I mean, you didn't call the last few days and I was worried you ran off or relapsed or something."

"The past few days, I put myself through an intense class which is why I couldn't call," he explained. "I still had eight days left but I managed to make it three so I could come here tonight."

Her heart fluttered at his words, knowing he had put himself through even more difficulty just to be with her at prom. Taking a step closer to her, he reached down and held her hands in his, his fingers gently caressing her skin.

"Dance with me?" he asked, looking up to meet her eyes.

All she could do was nod as he slowly led her to the center of the floor, aware of the cast on her ankle. Turning to face her, he outstretched his arms to hold her in a formal position when Blair pushed his arms away. For a second, he was afraid that she would walk away but instead she closed the distance, tucked her hands between their chests and laid the side of her head on his shoulder, her face turned inwards. Chuck was nervous at her sudden closeness but quickly recovered and wrapped his arms around her.

_Hit me like a ray of sun  
Burning through my darkest night  
You're the only one that I want  
Think I'm addicted to your light_

I swore I'd never fall again  
But this don't even feel like falling  
Gravity can't forget  
To pull me back to the ground again

"Blair?" he said softly as she pulled back to meet his gaze. "About what happened, I'm…"

"I forgive you," she said, cutting him off.

Even though there was nothing to forgive in her mind, she knew that he needed to hear the words.

"How was rehab?" she asked slowly, unsure whether or not he'd answer.

"Hard," he said truthfully. "But successful."

"I'm glad," she said with a wry smile.

"When I was leaving, the woman in charge of my group told me that I needed to let someone I trusted help me," he began as she leaned back slightly. "Not only about the relapse because I know it won't happen again, but to help with everything else."

He looked down at their joined hands on his chest for a moment.

"You're that person for me," he whispered as she bit back her tears.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said firmly as he looked back up again. "I'm in this for the long haul. Are you?"

She hated putting him on the spot, but she desperately needed his assurance that they would stay together this time.

"Yes," he said softly as her smile grew.

"Whatever you're going through, I want to be there for you," she began, her eyes never leaving his. "We're Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck. The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had, I will stand by you through anything."

He took a deep breath at her words. "Why?"

She leaned her face closer to his and smiled.

"Because I love you," she said simply.

With that, she pulled his face to hers and pressed her lips against his.__

Feels like I've been awakened  
Every rule I had you breakin'  
The risk that I'm takin'  
I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace  


When they pulled back, he stared down at the cast on her ankle.

"Does it hurt?" he asked with a slight frown.

"Not as much as loving you does," she replied with a frustrated smile.

The tips of his mouth curved into a smirk and he let out a soft chuckle.

"I _am_ Chuck Bass," he said, a part of his old self coming back to him.

With that, he leaned down and slightly pulled her body up so her feet were placed on his. She smiled at his gesture and he wrapped his arms around her body once more.

_You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby I can feel your halo  
Pray it won't fade away_

I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo

Oblivious to the staring eyes around them, Chuck leaned down and captured her lips with his. The proper Blair from before would have stopped at a simple kiss, but this Blair refused to stop. Her hands snaked up behind his neck and her fingers buried themselves in his hair as he pulled her even closer to his body, both losing themselves in the kiss.

_Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace_

You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby I can feel your halo  
Pray it won't fade away

Without breaking their kiss, he slightly leaned down and lifted her small figure into his arms, carrying her bridal style. Both of their eyes remained closed as he slowly moved her to the music. Pulling away for a moment, she breathlessly gazed at him and ran her finger across his lips. Seeing his signature smirk in his eyes, she smiled softly.

"I missed you," she said before pulling his face back down to hers.

While the rest of the students watched their every move with wide eyes, he continued to carry her in his arms, never once breaking their kiss.

_I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo_

I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo


	20. Author's Note

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to thank you so much for all of the reviews. I always welcome criticism and praise and you guys have been really great throughout. I'm not really sure what else to write for this story so I decided to end it here after prom :)

Thanks again!


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